On a good day, parenting will test the integrity of your character. On a bad day, parenting will test your will to live. Parenting children with trauma histories will cause you to test the integrity of everything and everyone you thought you knew, for the rest of your life.
~J. Skrobisz

Thursday, March 25, 2010

still a bucket of tears

I've cried all night, all morning and pulled it together to wash windows at a house that is hosting for the Master's tournament. Then went back to crying.

and I am still dealing with strep, of course.

The more I've played through the ridiculous shouting match with Ms T from our IFI team yesterday, the more I think she was out of line. Some of her points were valid but a lot of her approach and many of the things she said were not appropriate or fair. We literally got our @$$es dragged through the mud last night because she was trying to prove that we were triggering Sissy to the point of violence toward Wonder Girl.

as i'm typing this, my anger is rising up and I need to process correctly so I'm purposefully not going to rehash the details, although I'd REALLY REALLY like to.

So, I left a message saying three things:
1. asking for grace on our behalf, that my husband and I don't communicate that way but he was in excruciating pain from bruised and cracked ribs and pleurisy and on pain meds and muscle relaxers and I have a very severe case of strep and had a fever
2. I told her I would be giving her a signed letter from my therapist that details the nature of our sessions, my personal struggles and that I do not suffer from mental health illness
3. I asked that she please bring us the mission statement, goals and objectives of the IFI program because I felt like perhaps we do not have a clear understanding of the purpose of IFI and I would like to get on correct footing

If I don't get satisfactory results from this approach, I will be calling her supervisor.

Ms M was excellent the other night. Ms T ... not so much. (I'm being polite. VERY polite)

On the flip side, I called the warden from insurance, Ms L because she asked me to let her know what the IFI team was going to do about Sissy's violence toward Wonder Girl. I said that IFI at this time only wants to assess what Sissy's triggers are and to provide us with more appropriate parenting skills. I told Ms L once again, that 3 hours was NOT in any way shape or form sufficient to accomplish this task.

Two hours later I got a phone call from Ms. C. She talked me through the preliminary paper work for social security disability for Sissy. She asked about the other children in the home and I told her about Aspie Boy. So she started the paper work for him too!

OMG! we've been through hell and back the last three weeks but if all of it was so we could finally get BOTH of them on SSDI and Medicaid ... *crying again* ...I don't want to say that this hell has been worth it but, the ends may very well justify the means.


GB's Mom said...

{{{Hugs}} and prayers! Hang in there.

Linda B said...

Oh my. Oh my. Oh my. Blame the parent. They have no idea what you go through and how much more you have to parent just to keep everyone safe. This is so deja vu for me. (scream!)
Even though you and your husband are less then healthy don't let her blame you. I know it's hard to keep fighting. I'm happy to hear about ssdi. I have heard from many people that on average they will deny you the first and second attempt, but the third time get approved. So don't be surprised and give up it that happens. I hope you guys can get healthy soon!

lovingmygirlsalways said...

I hope it gets better and you all start feeling better too! Hang in there. Hopefully they will see what it is like for you soon and not what she wants them to see. Thinking and praying for you all.

FosterAbba said...

Well everybody knows it's always the adoptive parent's fault.

Never mind the fact that some of these kids were pickled in utero with alcohol for nine months. Oh, and let's not forget abuse, neglect and substance abuse on the part of the birth family.

While we're at it, throw in a family history of mental illness.

So yeah, it's always the adoptive family's fault.

I'm sorry you are going through this. I sometimes wonder if we adoptive parents should start class-action lawsuits against the counties and states that gave us these kids in the first place. No doubt we could show financial, emotional and physical damages for what we've gone through.

Jeri said...

Jennie, I'd have cameras hidden. I'd get them their evidence of her increasing rage and threat. I'm so sorry for you guys but most of all for Sissy, because it has got to be terrifying to be filled with such rage. Wish I could just pray it all away for ya, you're in my prayers and my thoughts.