On a good day, parenting will test the integrity of your character. On a bad day, parenting will test your will to live. Parenting children with trauma histories will cause you to test the integrity of everything and everyone you thought you knew, for the rest of your life.
~J. Skrobisz

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

meetings in the A.M.

first meeting - phone conference with Sissy's RTC education team.

I hung up the phone in tears, angry, cussing and wanting to punch my fist through a wall. We accomplished nothing in that meeting beyond them telling me that Sissy is a bright student that doesn't show her behaviors in the classroom so she shouldn't have an IEP that reflects her emotional/behavioral issues because it's a non-issue at school.

pointing out that they are comparing her academic progress to a classroom of 6 emotionally/behaviorally impaired children so it can't equate to the mainstream public school classroom, accomplished nothing.

pointing out that her behaviors ARE exacerbated by her education but I'm the only one that sees those behaviors, accomplished nothing.

pointing out that her public school teacher that has 10 years of RTC education on her resume and said to me that she did not think the public school classroom was an appropriate placement for Sissy after RTC, got me in trouble. "well Mrs. S, why does her report card from that same teacher say that Sissy was making strides toward independence? It's incongruent."

in other words, what they were saying without saying it was hey mom, apparently you're the part of Sissy's equation that is *BLEEPIN* it up because Sissy is a smart kid and on her report cards, her teachers says so.

(note to self: next time I have a teacher confide in me something they think about what my child needs or doesn't need, get them to *bleepin* put it in writing so it doesn't come back and bite me on the @ss. like it did today. OMG. i want to go beat another loblolly)

here's what The Dad had to say about that yeah. Stalin was smart. Hitler was smart. Jeffery Dahmer was smart. Lots of people are geniuses, that doesn't mean that they are emotionally/behaviorally safe!

*tips hat to The Dad who thinks he isn't good with words but is cunningly poignant when put to the task*

and all it takes is a quick survey of local news to discover that intelligent people can suffer debilitating mental health illnesses that have tragic results for innocent bystanders! Virgina Tech shooting? The soldier on the Texas fort last fall? The recent biology PhD at the U of Alabama? Smart people with mental health illnesses that went unaddressed because they were smart. Too smart. Scary smart.

Unfortunately, The Dad made his point to me and not the RTC education team.

Unfortunately, once again, it is our fault as parents, not the truth that globally, the system fails mental health patients and consequently the innocent ones whose lives cross the paths of these patients.

I've said it a million times, "I'm advocating for Sissy until I'm blue in the face but who the *bleep* is advocating for me?"

My plan isn't to set Sissy up for failure, although no matter what I do, Sissy will likely meet a failing course in life. My plan is to help her be successful in whatever way is reasonably possible. And I do all of it knowing that she isn't reciprocating in the relationship, isn't capable of reciprocating, isn't working toward learning how to reciprocate. But it's my butt that gets thrown under the bus. every.time.

(this is why nice people attempt suicide - they can't catch a break)
(no, I'm not suicidal, just sayin'. don't ya'll go reportin' my butt. I see my therapist on Thursday)


GB's Mom said...

I am glad you have someone taking your back. We had a Cynnie for three years for MK. She had our back and opened doors. I hope yours turns out to be a Cynnie, too.

J. said...

I hope she opes doors for you, I hope she helps instead of hinders. It is good to hear that she was honest about not knowing anything about RAD, hopefully she will learn a lot and then dig a little faster!

ashleigh said...

I've been reading your blog for a while, and I wanted to chime in.

I'm not married. I've got no kids. I am a child welfare worker (26 months) and I've worked in CMH (1 year). Sometimes, the uneducated "I'm going to change the world" person is helpful. We have a tendency to refuse to acknowledge that butting our heads against the wall isn't doing much good. We end up with a headache, but we may actually dent the wall.

My lack of spouse/kids is actually a benefit to my clients. I invest a lot more time (and personal feelings) into a case because I don't have someone else who needs it from me.

And, as my final bit of "but maybe I actually am saving the world..." I often know nothing about a client's problems when I walk through the door. It can be a benefit. It gives you the chance to teach Ms. M about RAD, which means that you can train good habits into her. I worked with a few RAD kids in CMH, and my lack of training actually gave the parents the opportunity to have someone who isn't pulling rank because realistically, you're Sissy's expert. Even if Ms. M knew about RAD, she wouldn't know Sissy. Since she's willing to admit she doesn't know about RAD, it's more likely she'll be willing to acknowledge what an important member of Sissy's treatment team you are.

Good luck. I know you feel like this isn't going to work, but I'd still like to believe that it will. Because otherwise, there is no way I'd be able to get my butt out bed and to work every day.