On a good day, parenting will test the integrity of your character. On a bad day, parenting will test your will to live. Parenting children with trauma histories will cause you to test the integrity of everything and everyone you thought you knew, for the rest of your life.
~J. Skrobisz

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Free books!

HOLY COW, you guys are awesome.  Thank you SO much for the vindication. As Meg alluded too, yes, I still suffer guilt about Sissy in the sense that I desperately want a successful life for her but if I've learned nothing the past few years, Sissy is walking further away from health rather than toward it.  How my heart aches!  Any other child riding in an ambulance to the hospital and the books from the EMS guy would have been a generous gesture of human compassion and kindness.  Instead, it becomes one more blow of truth that Sissy and the children like her, discombobulate and radically alter reality for those who live with them.  In our case, the reality is that a gift like this is under false pretenses and will only drive her illness. 

We will not give her the books. I will probably just donate them to the library or school. I won't even tell her about them. As Bren pointed out, by Sissy realizing she never got the books, she'll learn her manipulation didn't work and all without my intervention. So much the better! [1]

This scenario does point out a glaringly obvious truth, however. Last year when the cops and EMS showed up, they pinky swore with her that she'd not rage again and just obey and flat out told me that in no way did her behaviors stem from the abuse in her infancy. (Ironically, I had all of the RAD books splayed out on the kitchen table that they stood next to.) And of course, guy smiley from Monday was equally ignorant.

I was so angry last year about the unprofessional nature of the deputy and EMS team that I didn't bother writing a complaint. I would have come across as a raving lunatic and been dismissed. But at this point, they are batting 100% for ignorance about how to manage an emotionally and behaviorally disturbed patient in a 911 call. It begs the question, since I'm regulated in my emotion about it, do I write a letter now with the offer of coming to educate? Because seriously, they need some education on this! How many of you have thought these thoughts? Am I still doing Pollyanna? It must be the natural educator in me. Still, I think I'm going to do it, you know, in all my spare time.

And yes, in case you wondered, Sissy has already reverted to her crap and she's not been home a full day. The hospital said, "just bring her back." I just wish that didn't mean another 9 hours on my butt in the ER because wow, my hemorhoids are still not better from Monday.

[1] On the outset, I particularly like Corey's idea about a blogger give away but the S&H on these books ... I mean honestly. Have you SEEN the size of book 7?!? That said, if YOU want the books and are willing to go halvsies on S&H, I'm up for it.


marythemom said...

Poll Question #2: Yes, I would write a letter about what happened, mentioning that you fully expect it to happen again, and offering training and/or attach a short letter or article on the subject.

Mary in TX

Ashley said...

Has anyone called dibs on the books? If you would prefer to donate them, please feel free, but I'm happy to go halves on S and H to get them here- I lost mine in the Great Move of 2009.

Anonymous said...

re: books
Wouldn't it be ironic (and vindicating for momma) to donate them to the hospital? It would give those poor parents waiting for 9 hrs (on hard chairs, nonetheless) something to do!

re: training
I think you are in a unique position to offer a workshop for EMS/first responders in your town. Nothing too imposing. It's possible they could even earn some CEU credits for it... hm... That's the teacher in me, too! ;*)

Integrity Singer said...

And the books go to...

Jules said...

Maybe you could donate them to a charity?

Jeri said...

I so hear you. Last year after my NY assault when my son tried to choke me with the seat belt and kicked me in the face.....after he came into my room once home again two days later after having spent the previous night in the Albany ER and psych unit with him....the deputy back home told us that he had adopted kids from Africa and that all our son needed were strict rules and chores. Ummm, really? Even parents who've adopted kids from other countries don't get it if their kids do not come from a traumatic background.

G Mama Love said...

If you feel like you're up for it, I say offer a training session to the EMTs. Couldn't hurt!