On a good day, parenting will test the integrity of your character. On a bad day, parenting will test your will to live. Parenting children with trauma histories will cause you to test the integrity of everything and everyone you thought you knew, for the rest of your life.
~J. Skrobisz

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

It's just a giant bun of pain, remorse and regret

How to eat your burger gluten free
  1. pick the burger joint based upon taste and potato options (i'm a sucker for tots)
  2. drive to burger joint
  3. order burger without condiments or cheese -  IMPORTANT!!!  Condiments and cheese make bun removal very challenging
  4. pay for burger.  hopefully you had money in your coke can - you know, that big change can in your kitchen that your kids put their money in when they break stuff? 
  5. wait for order to arrive.  if teenagers are employed at burger joint of your choice, you may have to wait an inordinate amount of time while they text your order to their BFFs on twitter and FB "OMG, this customer just ordered a burger without ANYTHING! Weird."
  6. go home with hot burger and potato choice
  7. get a plate, fork and knife
  8. place all but bun on the plate.  Dispose of bun in trash can immediately so you are not tempted to say, "ah, heck.  it's just one bun.  I won't get vertigo, joint pain, IBS and a migraine from just one bun" because you've been down that road before and yes, yes you DID get all of those side effects.  It's NOT WORTH IT.  It's just a giant bun of pain, remorse and regret. Throw it away!
  9. add condiments and cheese as desired
  10. eat and enjoy!


J. said...

tee hee. I have become pretty good at scrapping all the condiments off the bun and onto the burger and then eating by slidding it along the bottom of the bun and into my mouth. I let the kids eat the bun and then I am not tempted. I do the same thing at Subway with spicy italian subs.

Little Wonder said...

I don't have any reason not to eat the bread, but I really don't want to waste my tastebuds on bread, so I always eat bun-less hotdogs, brats & hamburgers at home.

marythemom said...

You can order it without the bun you know (we used to do that with our little one).

Watch out for hidden glutens in the condiments (vinegar can be made with wheat) and even in the potato products!! Seasoned fries are especially bad.

You can do this!
Mary in TX

2busyannie said...

Most burger places will make the burger without the bun, bk and carl's jr come to mind. Watch out for the tots, I'm a sucker for potatoes, too, but some tots have gluten. I've tried to be gf for almost 3 years now and thought a little gluten would be OK, but eating off brand tots last month threw me right back to being ill.