On a good day, parenting will test the integrity of your character. On a bad day, parenting will test your will to live. Parenting children with trauma histories will cause you to test the integrity of everything and everyone you thought you knew, for the rest of your life.
~J. Skrobisz

Saturday, September 25, 2010

The process begins again

Pdoc finally called yesterday afternoon. He'd been out of office due to a family death. Time for a placement again, he said. Even if it's something temporary while we look for long term. If we're worried about our safety in the here and now, call DFACS for a therapeutic foster placement. If we have to go to the ER again, insist that they admit because we refuse to take her home (even though we'll face an abandonment charge). It's not meds, it's choice.

He gave us a list of hospitals and RTCs to call but now we've hit a new road bump. Sissy is no longer state medicaid, she's federal medicaid. And some of our state facilities aren't sure they'll be able to work with federal.

In the meantime, we've made her room permanent without causing structural change to the house. The kids' biogranddad is a contractor and master carpenter. So we used some of the backpay from medicaid and had him wall in her 6x7 space. We ordered foam blocks to cover the walls so when she's hitting and kicking she won't get hurt. The door arrives Monday. It takes up a huge space in the living room but it's her own "room" and it's safe and moderately sound proof. In other words, we're giving her permission to have her rages, we'll know she's safe and it will be relatively noiseless for the rest of us.

Sound is a huge issue for AB - typical of asperger's, he is intolerant of loud noises and since you can hear Sissy's rages a house away with all the doors and windows closed, I can't blame him.

AB and WG are angry, angry, angry. And borderline spiteful to Sissy. I can't blame them that either.

So between the CBAY meeting on Thursday that lasted two hours as four professionals and two adults tried to map out a better therapy plan[1] for Sissy, Papa's carpentry work yesterday and the whopping migraine from some rogue gluten I consumed (curses!) the last two days have been a huge blur that culminated in Sissy raging at me in the ten minutes The Dad left to pick up pizza. The trigger? She was gloomy so I suggested she read the positive comments that we've written about her in the family comment box. Shame on me for suggesting she do something positive.

Being screamed at because you've dared to help another human? Not fun.

Then when i asked her to identify why she had such a strong reaction to reading positive comments about herself, she ignored me even though an answer would have netted her TV time with the family. Then ten minutes later nonchalantly said, "I forgot. What was the question again?" I tell you honestly, she did NOT forget the question, in true RAD fashion, she was trying to bait me again.

Can I just say I'm tired of crying about Sissy?

[1] some of you previously requested to read what the plan was that we came up with. I'll post that later.


C Dawn's bucket said...

Maybe you are already aware of this resource.


Corey shared it with me and it has been invaluable. They take your child's needs, funding resources, etc. and match with the most appropriate RTC's.

GB's Mom said...

Looks like a good resource. Hang in there. I see an itty, bitty light at the end of the tunnel. Focus on it. {{{{{Hugs}}}}}

Cyndi said...

It sure is sad that one may be in the eyes of the state abandoning the kid when all you are trying to do is get her services. We have been threatened with this same thing and I really think it stinks because we really do love the kid all we want is HELP to make it work for her. Big sigh or two or three.

Integrity Singer said...

thanks c dawn's bucket - email has already been sent to kidlink! I appreciate that contact!!!!

Janera said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Janera said...

I'm reading and supporting, wishing you the best and praying for your family.

Heather said...

I find it interesting that you get that negative reaction to positive compliments. We get that too from our RADish. He becomes the most angry during a rage if we try to tell him that we love him, that he has so many positive things in his life, that others admire him. He tells me the voice in his head says we're lying. Loving him verbally is a sure-fired way to ramp up his rage a notch or 10. I totally don't get it!