She refuses to do as she's told so we consequence her defiance. And then consequence the rage or lying or manipulations she does on top of it.
It would have been nice to have a day to mourn our dog but instead it has been spent riding Sissy's butt to accomplish one consequence for her disobedience yesterday. She is currently working on consequence number 4 with the threat of number 5 if she doesn't complete the task before my timer goes off in 15 minutes. All told, she's spent SEVEN grueling hours in open defiance, manipulation and combative behavior. SEVEN HOURS.
She's staying out there until she finishes this chore. Period. Then it's showers and bed. Today is one of those days where I'd REALLY like to make her deal with a dose of herself for seven hours in like kind which I'll admit is probably bordering on abuse. But heck, she's abused us for that many hours ...
And the kick in the pants, she was hitting our dog Grace on the head because we left her outside unattended ... and Grace was out there too. So now she can't be alone with the dog.
I can't take her crap. I just can't take it. I'm not cut out for it, i don't have the constitution for it, this is NOT how I want to live my life. I'm cooked.
yes, yes, you COULD tell me that this is how she's dealing with her grief about Hope and I'd buy that argument if I thought for one skinny minute that she actually cared about that dog. But since she doesn't show appropriate affection for ANYTHING, I can't tell you that she DOES care that Hope died. I can tell you only that her emotional affect is flat, as always. You COULD argue that I should be helping her cope with the grief in an appropriate way EXCEPT that she only had a 30 minute consequence for yesterday's infraction which had nothing to do with the dog and it has been HER choice to refuse to do it, to lie, manipulate, pitch a fit and attempt to deceive. If I wasn't grieving myself, I'd probably have said, "hey, don't take out your sadness this way." but even as I typed that I knew it would be wasted hot air if I said it to Sissy because she'd just scream back at me something like, "I'M NOT SAD! I'M MAD YOU MADE ME PICK UP PINE CONES!!!!" And I just don't have it. I don't have it today. I really, honestly do not have what it takes to therapeutically parent this child 24/7. I just flat out don't.
Called CBAY. They are requesting the maximum allowable budget for respite. If we can't arrange a self-directed provider we will be getting an outside provider. I need her out of here once in awhile or it's not going to be pretty.