On a good day, parenting will test the integrity of your character. On a bad day, parenting will test your will to live. Parenting children with trauma histories will cause you to test the integrity of everything and everyone you thought you knew, for the rest of your life.
~J. Skrobisz

Saturday, September 11, 2010

LONG day with sissy

She refuses to do as she's told so we consequence her defiance.  And then consequence the rage or lying or manipulations she does on top of it. 

It would have been nice to have a day to mourn our dog but instead it has been spent riding Sissy's butt to accomplish one consequence for her disobedience yesterday. She is currently working on consequence number 4 with the threat of number 5 if she doesn't complete the task before my timer goes off in 15 minutes. All told, she's spent SEVEN grueling hours in open defiance, manipulation and combative behavior. SEVEN HOURS.

She's staying out there until she finishes this chore. Period. Then it's showers and bed. Today is one of those days where I'd REALLY like to make her deal with a dose of herself for seven hours in like kind which I'll admit is probably bordering on abuse. But heck, she's abused us for that many hours ...

And the kick in the pants, she was hitting our dog Grace on the head because we left her outside unattended ... and Grace was out there too. So now she can't be alone with the dog.


I can't take her crap. I just can't take it. I'm not cut out for it, i don't have the constitution for it, this is NOT how I want to live my life. I'm cooked.

yes, yes, you COULD tell me that this is how she's dealing with her grief about Hope and I'd buy that argument if I thought for one skinny minute that she actually cared about that dog. But since she doesn't show appropriate affection for ANYTHING, I can't tell you that she DOES care that Hope died. I can tell you only that her emotional affect is flat, as always. You COULD argue that I should be helping her cope with the grief in an appropriate way EXCEPT that she only had a 30 minute consequence for yesterday's infraction which had nothing to do with the dog and it has been HER choice to refuse to do it, to lie, manipulate, pitch a fit and attempt to deceive. If I wasn't grieving myself, I'd probably have said, "hey, don't take out your sadness this way." but even as I typed that I knew it would be wasted hot air if I said it to Sissy because she'd just scream back at me something like, "I'M NOT SAD! I'M MAD YOU MADE ME PICK UP PINE CONES!!!!" And I just don't have it. I don't have it today. I really, honestly do not have what it takes to therapeutically parent this child 24/7. I just flat out don't.

Called CBAY. They are requesting the maximum allowable budget for respite. If we can't arrange a self-directed provider we will be getting an outside provider. I need her out of here once in awhile or it's not going to be pretty.


GB's Mom said...


Integrity Singer said...

@ gb's mom: 9 hours and counting. She's been sent to bed and she will have to continue the chore she refused to do this evening.

The Dad called her in for supper and says, "wash your hands and eat." She goes to her space and puts on her pajamas and came out. I wanted to kill her. instead I said, "you have 20 minutes to eat and you still havent' washed your hands." She says, "You said to put on my pajamas!" i said, "WRONG! LISTEN AND OBEY!" so I gave a little tug to both of her ears and said, "God put these on your head so you could LISTEN and then he put a brain between them so you could OBEY!" I walked away and she said, "I want ketchup" So I went to the fridge and got her the Parmesan cheese and set it on the table without saying a word or flinching. She picked it up and said "WHAT?!?" And I said, "oh, you wanted me to LISTEN AND OBEY? WHY SHOULD I, YOU DON'T!?! get your own ketchup" i wanted to say "get your own damn ketchup" but figured cussing at my 10 year old wasn't a good idea.

and all of that happened AFTER my whiskey sour - a good thing for her or I likely would have ripped her a new one

Jules said...

You are in my thoughts and prayers. I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your pooch. I'm a big animal lover so when I see my brother's chocolate lab tomorrow, I will give her extra cuddles thinking about Hope.

I have to admit, part of me is thinking that no one would blame you if you gave Sissy more than a tug on her ears *sigh*