On a good day, parenting will test the integrity of your character. On a bad day, parenting will test your will to live. Parenting children with trauma histories will cause you to test the integrity of everything and everyone you thought you knew, for the rest of your life.
~J. Skrobisz

Monday, September 20, 2010

Round Two *DING!*

At discharge on Friday, the psych nurse said that if Sissy returned to her dangerous behaviors that we should bring her back. Here's the time line of events:

Friday night she told us she was afraid she would hurt someone. We sent her to bed so she could sleep it off.

Saturday she was disregulated all day. I called it "poking." She would ask questions or say things deliberately to get a negative response. I had a chat and said "stop poking. If you know the answer to your question already and you know that answer will make you mad, then don't ask it. You're poking us. You're trying to make us mad when YOU'RE the one that's mad, not me."

I also had her repeat this phrase many times, "mom and dad aren't trying to make me mad. They are doing what's best for me."

It didn't help. She was off and on raging and provoking all day.

Sunday morning we informed her that she would not be attending church. (backstory - they changed the sunday school format and we were concerned about how she would do in that new format so initially we told her she would just sit in grown-up sunday school with us. But The Dad woke up ill so we just opted to let her stay home with him)

RAGE. She was livid. Called the crisis team. On call guy said that if she was that disregulated after discharge, she didn't get the medical care she needed while in the hospital and needed to go back. Call 911 and have her readmitted.

So we did. And Sissy got aggressive with the officer. And we rode in the ambulance (i was with her this time so no chatty cathy manipulation) and we sat in the ER for hours and hours and hours.

From the time of the call to the time of discharge, 8 hours wasted. Attending psychiatrist said she did not meet the criteria for placement and furthermore, they did not have anything to medically treat while she was with them last week. So they sent her home.

An hour after discharge she was raging again because I told her to shower when she wanted a bubble bath. At the approval of her therapist (who we called... again) I gave Sissy a benadryl and sent her to bed.[1]


For the record, I did EXACTLY as I was told by professionals guiding her care. I got a big fat goose egg.

IEP meeting this morning at 8 am - we must assess to prove she needs an IEP. We have to quantitatively document that she needs extra support BECAUSE with the exception of her classroom math grade (66%), Sissy scores above standard on all her benchmarks. READ: she does not demonstrate an academic need for an IEP. So we have to prove that she needs an IEP for social, emotional and behavioral.

AGAIN, for the record, I have done EXACTLY as I was told by the professionals guiding her academics. I got a big fat goose egg. If we can't prove that her social, emotional and behavioral issues impede her ability to learn, we get nothing.

And WHEN I slept last night, i dreamt that Sissy was trying to kill us. [2] All.Night.Long.

THIS is how mothers snap.
THIS is how families get killed and burned by one raging family member.
THIS is what generates all of those "riveting" stories for lifetime movie network.

God in heaven, I do NOT want to be a lifetime movie special. Or dead. Or both.

How many times does a ram butt his head before he suffers brain damage and dies?

[1]on medication: it was asked several times by several different professionals yesterday if Sissy was dosing her meds, was I CERTAIN she was ingesting them. Answer: I ALWAYS supervise her medicating. I had already thought of that and asked her point blank. I know when Sissy's lying. She wasn't lying when she told me that yes, she takes her meds. Then i asked her another three times. And made her prove it to me last night and this morning. Yes. She's taking her meds.

[2]I had a dream I'll be sharing tomorrow. But it's interesting to note that Sissy reported dreaming that she'd been eaten by an anaconda - said she woke up before she died her dream. I like to research dream symbols. Snakes in jungian psychology represent "dark, incomprehensible and mysterious aspects of the self that must be confronted." (that and withholding one's bowels in Jungian psychology means "pent up rage") Uh, DUH! Sissy is quite literally being swallowed by her self conscious thoughts that she refuses to confront because she is holding in all her rage. Geez. The psychology of it is quite clear. Now how do we FIX it?


missjenngirl said...

Snakes are also very phallic, (JFYI) also, I what I think of when I hear that dream is claustrophobia, Sissy may feel “Squeezed”. Mom, Dad, doctors, cops, etc… are all on her back, making it harder for her to be in control.
I get the whole illumination thing, once I was told by a person who was a holistic technician that people hold their emotions in their colons… That is why she advised people who were depressed, stressed, etc… to have a colonic. She also told me that that is why a lot of people cry while having the procedure. “It loosens your impacted emotions”.

Because you are my friend, and not just a reader, I worry about YOU, and am angry….. A couple of my friend in the profession were talking about you and Sissy and wonder if you have done any of the following or could do them in the future.

The group consensus:
At what point do you just refuse to take her back home, be it you call the police, you are at the ER?
When is enough, enough? Understanding the desire to adopt more someday, with the documentation that you have on sissy could they really hold her situation against you?
Have you asked the ER Psych, if they are willing to take the responsibility for injury or loss of life if you take her back home?
If we were you, we would push them for documentation that states “She is fine and can go home” And then tell them that when someone gets hurt you plan to sue the pants off of them because you have had her there two time in a week...
Seriously state it like this “are you willing to take responsibility someone getting hurt.” I did everything I could I brought her here in an ambulance, because she is unsafe, she was aggressive with the officer, etc…
Also, next time don’t you leave the hospital room until they have called the on call crisis person, them him and the doctor’s duke it out.
Or can you request that the crisis team come to the hospital with you?
Sorry for the stream of consciousness post. I’m really pissed that it is at this point with no help.

Linda B said...

I don't have any answers and wish I did. We fought and fought to have DQ in residential and once she did get placed they kept her for 13 mos, only to have her return to the same behaviors. At one point she even attacked older brother with a 7" knife...he had to fight her for it. Shortly after that I found a knife in her pillow case. Then found a 2' piece of wooden closet rod with gang signs all over under her bed. She wanted us hurt. Didn't matter to the county or medical providers. She had to be suicidal or guilty of homicide. Really? Why does it have to get to that point! The ones who make these decisions should have to spend 3 mos living with a kid like this.

kisekileia said...

Totally with missjenngirl here. You might just have to out-stubborn people.

Happymom4 aka Hope Anne said...

At the risk of sounding really kooky, what does she do if you sing songs about Jesus? When our Dd would rage (for several hours at a time) that would calm her down way faster than anything else, even though she didn't understand English yet. (She was 5.5 years at the time). We also prayed (privately--not in front of her) alot, renouncing any control Satan might have had over her due to her pre-adoption experiences. It honestly seemed like it helped, even though we still had lots of hard work with her and her RAD issues. I am really, really hesitant to suggest this, because I know it could sound kooky, and I also know there are people who have gotten into the whole "casting out demons" thing and been abusive or killed their kids. And I in NO WAY shape or form endorse ANY of that. As I said, we did NOT do any kind of public praying or even involve our Dd in our prayers for deliverance for her. NOT AT ALL. Anyway. . . I've started to post, and then deleted yest. and today. . . . because I am NOT wanting to cause you pain or pressure or to come across wrong. . . I can't imagine having worked as hard as you have and still seeing so little for your efforts in progress . . . Hugs!!