On a good day, parenting will test the integrity of your character. On a bad day, parenting will test your will to live. Parenting children with trauma histories will cause you to test the integrity of everything and everyone you thought you knew, for the rest of your life.
~J. Skrobisz

Friday, April 30, 2010

I tried

Ms T from our IFI team called on Tuesday saying she wanted to do a family session on Thursday so everyone could talk about how they were feeling about the trauma of incessant violence and screaming from Sissy. I was excited and told her so. I shared with her my concerns about Aspie Boy and Wonder Girl who are both really stressed, Wonder Girl now requiring some therapy of her own with her nightmares and anger. Ms T was on board, we scheduled the session and ended the call.

So yesterday was Thursday. Ms T walked in the door yesterday and told Sissy they would be doing their session on the front porch swing. I said, "I thought we were doing a family session today."

"Oh. right. I forgot." So Ms T went to her car to get a game for us to do. She returned and began setting up the game while asking me about how things were going.

So I tried. I tried to tell her that we are all stressed out beyond capacity, that Wonder Girl is having dreams that Sissy moves to another home so we can all be safe. (WG's words, not mine) Ms T witnessed Aspie Boy completely melt down, something he is doing a lot lately, something that is unusual for him, something I attribute to the stress and violence at home. I told Ms T that I can't sleep, that I feel the panic rising up again, that The Dad is just as stressed and ...

Ms T dismissed the children to another room so they didn't have to hear what I was saying.

HOW is that a family session?

furthermore, after another hour of me crying and trying desperately to get Ms T to flippin' listen to me, I was done. She didn't hear anything I had to say. She wasn't listening. She dismissed all of my complaints or explained them all away. She wouldn't acknowledge WG or AB's mounting issues because of Sissy's unpredictable ways, she discounted everything. I didn't get mad at her because it dawned on me this woman doesn't get it Particularly after Ms T said, "tell me again what happened Friday? Because I'm confused." And she was the person I called to deescalate the crisis!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I tried. I'm tired of trying. I just want to be happy in the here and now. I want to not always be waiting for the other shoe to drop, or in Sissy's case, to be chucked at my head. I want to just let it all go, just float and whatever crap Sissy does, she does. But I don't want to readjust Sissy's therapy plan every time she gives us crap. I don't have the energy for it anymore. And truthfully, it doesn't make a difference. I'm spending my energy at the sacrifice to time and well being with AB, WG and The Dad to help alter the behavior of a child that doesn't see the need to alter her behavior.

And I've tried explaining that to Ms T but she's not getting it.

So we're going over her head. The Dad wants the supervisor's number.

My dream last night: I was kidnapped and help prisoner so a strange science cult could subject me to various hostile and violent situations to observe how I would respond. Hmmm... sounds like my real life. The IFI team must be the strange science cult.


GB's Mom said...

Sorry you are not getting more support. That sucks. Going to the supervisor sounds like a good idea. At least you can still respond! {{{Hugs}}}

a said...

I totally hear you and I'm so sorry, sadly none of the in home therapists worked for us, either too inexperienced or just playing dumb to protect their job and not take responsibility. That is the problem, to them it is a job and they can go home from it, or make excuses, but to us it is our life. Not all are bad but sooo many are useless. I agree that once you can see that they don't get it, forget trying to explain, we put in so much energy to explain and it doesn't help. You can tell who is open to listening and who is not. I hope the supervisor is open!
I don't know if you want more med advice or not, please ignore if not... but sadly only meds worked for us not most of the therapy we do. We still go to therapy but not sure how much it helps. I would try to keep upping the risperdal and see if it helps, it helped us only at a higher dose than you had mentioned, but I know all kids are different... They also have emergency risperdal (maybe like the benadryl you mentioned?), you put it on their tongue and it melts instantly and takes effect right away. Not all pharmacies carry it so its a pain to find, but it helped once we found it.

Are they providing respite? I hope you find some from qualified people, ours was supposed to provide it but they had a huge waiting list so again not much help...

Jennie said...

thank you a, advice heeded and gratefully accepted. This might be the single most useful thing I've read all week.

Anonymous said...

i believe you need some inspriation. little boy with cerebal palsy. his story his mom posted on her OD. here is the link: http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=D398014&entry=22697&mode=date Just look at his pics of now, and his little smile will grab your heart and make you smile. it is children like him and AG and WG that make whatever horrors Sissy do to you, not that important in the long run bc u r a good mother and u r making a good life for AG and WG as best as you can. *huggles*

Jules said...

I forget, why can't you send her back to the RTC?

Jennie said...

Jules - because money drives the train. Insurance says she doesn't meet their criteria for placement (but they've been extraordinarily vague about what their criterion are) and we can't afford to pay out of pocket

Jules said...

Can you take her back and tell them she's out of control and see if they'll admit her? Maybe just put everything in their laps and tell them you can't take it anymore?

Jennie said...

unfortunately Jules, it just doesn't work that way. It's like any other hospital. A patient can make a physician admit them.