Ms T from our IFI team called on Tuesday saying she wanted to do a family session on Thursday so everyone could talk about how they were feeling about the trauma of incessant violence and screaming from Sissy. I was excited and told her so. I shared with her my concerns about Aspie Boy and Wonder Girl who are both really stressed, Wonder Girl now requiring some therapy of her own with her nightmares and anger. Ms T was on board, we scheduled the session and ended the call.
So yesterday was Thursday. Ms T walked in the door yesterday and told Sissy they would be doing their session on the front porch swing. I said, "I thought we were doing a family session today."
"Oh. right. I forgot." So Ms T went to her car to get a game for us to do. She returned and began setting up the game while asking me about how things were going.
So I tried. I tried to tell her that we are all stressed out beyond capacity, that Wonder Girl is having dreams that Sissy moves to another home so we can all be safe. (WG's words, not mine) Ms T witnessed Aspie Boy completely melt down, something he is doing a lot lately, something that is unusual for him, something I attribute to the stress and violence at home. I told Ms T that I can't sleep, that I feel the panic rising up again, that The Dad is just as stressed and ...
Ms T dismissed the children to another room so they didn't have to hear what I was saying.
HOW is that a family session?
furthermore, after another hour of me crying and trying desperately to get Ms T to flippin' listen to me, I was done. She didn't hear anything I had to say. She wasn't listening. She dismissed all of my complaints or explained them all away. She wouldn't acknowledge WG or AB's mounting issues because of Sissy's unpredictable ways, she discounted everything. I didn't get mad at her because it dawned on me this woman doesn't get it Particularly after Ms T said, "tell me again what happened Friday? Because I'm confused." And she was the person I called to deescalate the crisis!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I tried. I'm tired of trying. I just want to be happy in the here and now. I want to not always be waiting for the other shoe to drop, or in Sissy's case, to be chucked at my head. I want to just let it all go, just float and whatever crap Sissy does, she does. But I don't want to readjust Sissy's therapy plan every time she gives us crap. I don't have the energy for it anymore. And truthfully, it doesn't make a difference. I'm spending my energy at the sacrifice to time and well being with AB, WG and The Dad to help alter the behavior of a child that doesn't see the need to alter her behavior.
And I've tried explaining that to Ms T but she's not getting it.
So we're going over her head. The Dad wants the supervisor's number.
My dream last night: I was kidnapped and help prisoner so a strange science cult could subject me to various hostile and violent situations to observe how I would respond. Hmmm... sounds like my real life. The IFI team must be the strange science cult.