On a good day, parenting will test the integrity of your character. On a bad day, parenting will test your will to live. Parenting children with trauma histories will cause you to test the integrity of everything and everyone you thought you knew, for the rest of your life.
~J. Skrobisz

Saturday, May 1, 2010

One whole week

This is the very first time that I can ever remember that we've had a whole week without Sissy erupting in violence, rage or screaming of any kind.

Is it the med changes?

Is it the ending of the school year?

Is it the introduction of the "free food" idea - eat all the fruits and veggies you want (thanks tudusamom)?

Is it random?

We may never know.

But I have to be honest and tell you that I'm still waiting for the shoe to drop. I know I should be happy that Sissy has had such a good week but honestly, after so much truama, it is very hard to imagine that this could be a new norm.

It would probably take about ten more of these worry-free weeks before I started to believe there would be lasting change. My regrets to Sissy that her behaviors have made me so jaded. I wish I could say otherwise, I really, really do.


GB's Mom said...

Let's pray it is the med changes. I think that is probably the reason that gives the most hope of lasting change. (I personally would vote for the extra 1/4 mg of Risperdal) But I know why your waiting for the other shoe to drop- it is not jaded, it is conditioned. {{{Hugs}}}

Jennie said...

GB's mom - make that adding 1/2 mg resperidone AND adding 1 mg tenex plus benadryl as needed for the "wobbles" in mood/emotion

we're taking her down - like horse tranquilizers!lol

but the meds started wednesday night and she'd had three good days beforehand.

Corey said...

I know that feeling.. (I live it).. I don't think it is jaded.. I think it is huddled on the floor with your arms shielding your head, waiting for someone to kick you with a steel-toed boot.

Cuz you've been kicked so many times, you know it's coming sooner or later.

Jennifer said...

Based on some of your recent blog entries it also sounds like you've had some really good and positive interactions with Sissy. Maybe some of that therapeutic parenting is starting to sink into her...

Kelly said...

Oh man. I can so relate to this. I can not make myself trust my two foster/adopt children. The unpredictability makes it impossible to trust that the change is here to stay. Sad. I hate feeling that way about them. It is a daily struggle with my emotions about that because I find myself questioning everything they say and do. When I do let my guard down and believe that Nate is past rages or that Beth will tell me the truth it isn't any time before it starts again. I have faith that we will move past this but I do know it is going to take such a long time.

FosterAbba said...

Although Danielle's behaviors aren't nearly as bad as Sissy's, I have to admit to feeling the same way. When Danielle is being good, I'm constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. When is the next explosion? What's going to trigger her next rash of verbal or physical abuse against us?

In a way, when she's good, it's almost more stressful than when she's not. At least when she's acting out, we have a plan of action of what we should do or say.