On a good day, parenting will test the integrity of your character. On a bad day, parenting will test your will to live. Parenting children with trauma histories will cause you to test the integrity of everything and everyone you thought you knew, for the rest of your life.
~J. Skrobisz

Monday, April 26, 2010

ah, the beauty of the natural consequence

Well, I've not been mysterious about it. Sissy has been ... difficult lately. *snickering* But without her notice, I did have a few moments to revel in the natural consequences she has had to face as a result. It's so freeing when life teaches the lesson to her. It takes so much burden off me! And truth be told, it speaks much louder than I can, even when I shout.

Scenario Number One:
I mentioned in an earlier post that Sissy is no longer consequenced for her lying behaviors. It's on her behavior chart to assess her weekly level status. If she lies, she doesn't get the point. no sweat off my back. But the one that really sinks its teeth in is when Sissy realizes she's lost more of our trust.

The IFI team has tried hard to teach Sissy the value of trust and honesty. Sissy continues to have a block on this rather abstract concept. But I think this morning she got a little nip in the brain.

Her book and dolly had been taken for some reason or another. The Dad had overseen that particular confiscation so I did not know the terms. This morning Sissy approached me. "Mom, can I have back my book and my doll?"

"Well, I remember your dad saying the book could be returned on Monday morning because it is a school book that you need today. But as for the doll..."

Sissy interrupted me, "He did! Honest! Dad said I could have it back today!!!! I'm NOT LYING!"

I just looked her square in the eye and with a sweet apologetic tone said, "I'm really sorry Sissy. I can't take your word for it. I can't trust you, even if you're telling the truth. That's what happens when you lie."

"BUT BUT BUT!!!!" and then her tantrum stopped, immediately. She looked at me grumpily because she realized it was true, what I had said. A little nip on her brain about trust and honesty was occurring. I didn't say anymore about it, I let the sting of the bite speak for itself.

Finally she sighed, "but when can I have her back?"

"You'll have to ask your dad. He confiscated it. It's between you and him."

Scenario Number Two:
Sissy got up from the dinner table to clear her place. She limped to the kitchen sink. OK, my RAD radar was turned up and my initial thought was mmm hmmm. she's grasping for attention. why? but I squelched the thought and opted for "safe".

"Sissy. Why are you limping?"


"you're limping," I repeated, trying not to make my exasperated tone obvious. "why?"

"I don't know!!!"

Again, I thought, Right. because you're faking. but WHY are you faking, what are you trying to get? Instead, I said, "What's hurting?"


"are you cut?"


getting tired of her shouting but trying to do some slow deep breathing so I didn't go crazy on her, "is it the shoes you're wearing?"


"OK. When did it start hurting?"


really, getting annoyed but pinching myself so I didn't lose my cool, "WHEN did you notice the pain?"

"Oh. a few days ago."

doing some quick calculations, a "few days ago" would have possibly been Friday when she was violent. "Friday?"

"I don't know!"

"Because Friday you had your fit. Were you kicking things?"

*growling and grunting at me*

"So that would be 'yes mom, i was kicking in my fit'?"

*nodding of her head*

"So... you've injured yourself when you had your fit?"

*more nodding*

"I'm sorry that happened. I'm also sorry you had your fit. You must be disappointed in yourself for making that choice."

kind of weepy, "YES! I don't want to be injured!" more anxiety bubbling up, she really gets so weirded out about her body issues.

"you'll be fine. It might take a day or two to heal."

"A DAY OR TWO!?!?"


"Do i need ice?!?!"

"too late for that. you would have needed it on Friday though. I'm sorry I didn't know you were hurt then so I could help you."

*grunting with arms crossed*

I thought I'd offer one more inch of insight, "maybe you'll know for next time to be safe in your anger so you don't hurt yourself again."

*more grunting*
Ain't life a b!tch? lol
I'm so glad life is teaching Sissy too. It takes so much burden off my shoulders.


GB's Mom said...

Great Job! Way to let nature take it's course!

Jules said...

Damn, karma's a bitch!

MomInTheTrench said...

Oh, I can so *hear* this whole thing. Great job with patience.

Mama Drama Times Two said...

Real consequences for REAL behavior!!!! Cool.

Jenn said...

Yay for natural consequences! It's something that's totally out of her control or yours, and she seems to be realizing there's not a thing she can do about it!

Debbie said...

I so love natural consequences...when God shows the kids the old lesson of cause and effect. :-)