On a good day, parenting will test the integrity of your character. On a bad day, parenting will test your will to live. Parenting children with trauma histories will cause you to test the integrity of everything and everyone you thought you knew, for the rest of your life.
~J. Skrobisz

Friday, April 2, 2010

april fools day highlights

Highlight number one:
Aspie Boy hates April Fools Day, apparently. He was in tears about it during breakfast. "It's lying! Lying is against the law! The president says so!"

Then when I picked him up from school, more of the same rhetoric, "It's a bad thing. April Fools day is bad. Because it means you are lying. and then you'll laugh for lying. and then you'll think lying is good. and you'll lie all the time because you'll like it."

[aside: he didn't actually come out and say it, but I think he was mentally making the conclusion that Sissy would be the type of person that would like to keep lying and he is tired of it. Which is language he HAS used lately, that he's tired of her always lying and screaming when you tell her what the truth is.]

Highlight number two:
Sissy announces, "Mom? do you know why April Fools Day is my second favorite holiday? Because it's all about lying. And I'm really GOOD at lying!" *big, goofy smile*

Highlight number three:
Sissy escalating at bedtime (AGAIN! ugh, what the heck IS it about morning and bedtime that drives her so insane?!?). The Dad reminded her that her behaviors have not changed at all since she was at RTC demonstrating that she is still showing no desire to change. He said that since IFI hadn't helped her thus far, we could just call and say we no longer want to be in the program which made Sissy REALLY furious. She started screaming, "But they make me feel good about myself! They like me! And I LOVE THEM!"

at which point I left the house.

because that was one comment to many for me. and after four nights of her escalating screaming that either required a phone call to IFI or their return to the home to deescalate, I'd had enough. Hearing that she loves two women that have spent a total of 15 hours with her, split between the two of them, was too much for me.

yeah. she "loves" them because Ms T has been triangulated successfully by Sissy and Ms M is taking her on an outing tomorrow. She "loves" them because they don't have to parent her. They don't have to tell her "no", they aren't here in the morning, getting her ready for school, in the afternoon helping with her homework, in the evening when she has to bathe herself. They come, they do cute little therapy things with her and leave. And I get to deal.

I know I should be the grown up here and just let it roll off my back. I know some subconscious part of her said those words because they would be hurtful. I know the best thing to do is to ignore her crap. But last night I didn't have the strength to ignore it and it was too much for me.

So I'm not talking to her beyond three-word directives. I'm not talking to her until I know that I've got my hatches battened down, my resolve shored up and my respite meter refilled. Yeah, Sissy's going on a fun outing with Ms M tomorrow and she's all giddy and glowy about it because they're going to buy something and intuitively, after all of the crap she's pulled this week, I'd say she hasn't earned that privilege. Whatever. I don't care. It means Sissy will be someone else's responsibility for two hours.


FosterAbba said...

They always manage to say the most hurtful things when your strength is at its lowest, don't they?

Linda B said...

ooooohhhh I know that feeling. That gets to me every time now when DQ talks about this one family as hers. They harbored her while she was on run. Nice huh. I like how you walked away and are limiting conversations until you can get refreshed. I have to remember that.

GB's Mom said...

Your still doing a great job. {{{Hugs}}}

marythemom said...

I learned at the seminar last week that you should do what works best for you! You let her go on the outing and know that you don't have to deal with her while she's gone! Deep breath! You're not required to like her.

Hugs and prayers,
Mary in TX