The family therapist at the hospital has been very sick which explains the delay in response. The staff at the hospital had to scramble to gain permission to access her files and pick up the pieces. Apparently Sissy isn't the only resident whose case appears before the APS review board for approval. With any luck, this delay in preparing the documentation will grant us at least a week before the guillotine comes down (or with any luck, she is granted more time.)
There are so many things I WANT to do that I just can't do. It's not because my arms and legs don't work or that my brain isn't functioning. I'm just so numb. I really do have lots of research to share but just the thought of sitting down to type it all out makes me dizzy.
You should see my kitchen. Quilting projects every where, mid progress. Several of them intended to be completed and sent to Corey for a chirstmas in July auction to raise money for Orlando[1]. I WANT to do them, I ENJOY doing them but I'm ... stuck.
The other night I forgot to take my anti-anxiety med and I woke up at 4 am from a dead sleep trying to fend off a panic attack. My anti-depressant that I take in the morning makes me sluggish. Without the meds ... I really don't want to say how bad off I'd be without the meds. It makes me cry.
How did I get here? I feel so numb and so sad, so angry and so agitated all at the same time. I just want to move on, I want to be done with this insanity, I want my family to be whole and happy and have a future. Instead, I feel like we're stuck in purgatory indefinitely.
In a few minutes the phone is going to ring. I have to do a phone session with Sissy and her individual therapist since the family therapist is out ill. I chatted with her briefly the other day and at last week's meeting. I've learned some startling things about Sissy that the hospital knows ... and DOESN'T know (which is worse.)
#1 - Sissy's RAD has been diagnosed as inhibited type
#2 - They have added Intermittent explosive disorder to her list, apparently a rarely diagnosed mental health label
#3 - when asked if Sissy is really clueless and not able to draw connections to cause and effect (and therefore not culpable because it's a DD concern) or if she's playing dumb bunny so she can get away with things (which requires consequences) the only answer the staff has is "we don't know, we're unsure and still trying to figure that out"
ok, so after 90+ days, if trained psychiatric staff still doesn't know the answer to #3, how the heck am I supposed to know and more importantly, how am I supposed to parent her? No one can tell me. Furthermore, if she's really not drawing connections, if her brain really is that damaged, then standard mental health and behavioral therapy isn't going to be useful. In addition, if she's an inhibited RAD, standard RAD therapy isn't going to work either.j
so I'm stuck.
And for love, money, medication, rest, relaxation, prayer and meditation, I'm afraid I will be stuck for awhile.
[1] if you would like to help contribute to the cause, I will gladly receive your scrap fabrics or a joann's gift card to purchase supplies. Currently I have three quilts planned but if I get more donations, I will be able to make more. Just email me directly from the profile page.
No comments:
Post a Comment