On a good day, parenting will test the integrity of your character. On a bad day, parenting will test your will to live. Parenting children with trauma histories will cause you to test the integrity of everything and everyone you thought you knew, for the rest of your life.
~J. Skrobisz

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

wacky words wedensdays

It's Wacky Words Wednesday again! Did you miss it last week? Did you forget to pass along the fun? Click the label for this post to find out all about it.

This Week's Wacky Words Wednesday Post
These are actually wacky words from my friend's RADish

C~ came for a visit. It had just been The Dad's birthday. In our house, a birthday tradition is to get that person his/her favorite candy bar. The Dad's candy bar was on his dresser and C~ saw it.

"Mrs. S. What's this?"

"A candy bar."

"oh." long pause. "why?"

"The Dad got it as a birthday gift."

"why didn't he eat it?"

"He just hasn't yet." long pause. "C~? Don't eat the candy bar."

"oh. I won't" but of course, she'd yet to take her eyes off the thing. I attempted to distract her with some laundry and I thought the episode was over. Later, as I was driving C~ home The Dad called my cell phone.

"Ask C~ if she knows where my candy bar is."

So i asked C~ who was sitting beside me in the van, "C~, where's the candy bar?"

Her response? "Tell him not to look under the bed."

LOL! It still makes me giggle and it's been almost a year. When I remind C~ about it she says, "Mrs. S. we're not going there." Which makes me laugh harder!

Of course, C~ ate the candy bar. And no, there was nothing under the bed. Not even the empty wrapper.


Anonymous said...

I commented the other day on your post re: being exhausted with your daughter and I have felt badly ever since! I am so sorry if it seemed I was judging you. Please know that was not my intent!
In retrospect, (although I don't recall exactly what I wrote and I normally DO think before speaking lol) I think I was quite triggered by your words and though I TRIED to empathize with you, at the time I have to say I felt more empathy for your daughter. Why?
Well, for starters I grew up being abused by several perpetrators--the longest sexual abuse by my stepfather and that lasted many years. My mom did not believe me when I finally told. Or if she did, she decided to stay with him anyway.
One of the threats that held me hostage so to speak for so many years was "If you tell,you'll never see mommy again." Aside from that, I was separated from my biological father and moved from one state to the other in the middle of the night by mom and new stepfather. I didn't see him for 10 yrs.
Although logically I KNOW better, emotionally I STILL to this day have a lot of insecurities that I am "not good enough" and I also have VERY strong abandonment issues. It was I believe, those issues that led me to comment as I did about whether you were going to continue to parent your child and I had no right to do that--trigger or not. I'm sorry and I do sincerely hope you accept my apology--but I understand if you choose not to.
I DO wish you and your family well and I find your blog very informative. My therapist recently told me she feels I suffer from unresolved attachment issues and from what little I know, it is a very hard road to travel.
Take care and best wishes, Lori

Jennie said...

onceachild, no worries! i was not offended at all. It was simply one more point of view for me to consider - I LIKE that kind of feedback because it helps me stay grounded. Aspie Boy's psychologist said something so poignant - humans are dangerous in their own minds, we MUST stay connected to other humans so we know that what we think in our own minds is not the only truth.

Since I can't seem to get a support group started locally, blogging and reading other RAD blogs is so helpful. I moved the post you commented on to a private blog in which I give myself license to hash out those raw emotions. My intent is to keep that negativity out of this blog because so many people read here and I know so little about my readers that I want to stay neutral/unoffensive. (My private blog readers list is a very select group of persons, many of whom I know in person)

Rest easy, I didn't give your comments a negative thought. They were only continued food for fodder as I make a plan that is best for everyone in our family. For me, considering everyone is a huge step because before RTC, Sissy's needs were paramount and that approach was destroying everyone else.


Anonymous said...

Hi Jennie,
I'm so relieved you didn't take offense--thank you!
I think it's awesome that Sissy is getting the help she needs NOW rather than having to deal with this stuff at such a critical level LATER as I have had to do. It gives me hope that if these children can have their past validated NOW, can have their issues addressed NOW by loving parents that their futures will surely be a whole lot brighter!
In the meantime, I'll keep reading and doing anything I can do to help along the way!
Best, Lori