On a good day, parenting will test the integrity of your character. On a bad day, parenting will test your will to live. Parenting children with trauma histories will cause you to test the integrity of everything and everyone you thought you knew, for the rest of your life.
~J. Skrobisz

Saturday, February 20, 2010

13 hours in

13 hours in to Sissy's weekend TL at home, 9 of which she was sleeping and she's lied three times, been given a consequence, slammed a door in her anger and had three crying outbursts. And that's not including all the self-centeredness and somewhere in there I keep trying to find the love I have for my child. I've got to find it. I WILL find it.

She's agreed to a haircut. Thank God because her hair is a mess. And the jacket she got form her grandmother for Christmas that she's not taken off since 12-28-09 is probably ruined but I had her put it in the washer in hopes it might be salvaged. The dang thing could probably walk away, it was so filthy. (because she refuses to obey RTC rules about laundry duties...)


OK, be positive, mom. Find something good...

I think this med mix is actually working for her. She's a little spacey but the psychoses I could see in her eyes before she went to RTC is gone. All hail risperdone, lamictal and immipramine!

RTC nurse did not pack enough Colace, but Aspie Boy has Miralax so I can supplement.

Unsupervised playtime with her siblings is baned. Wonder Girl came to us at 5 am, the fifth night in a row she's had a nightmare that someone or something was trying to kill her. Last night she dreamed a dinosaur was tearing down our house and a mirror fell on her head and cracked her skull open. The Dad said to me, "yeah, the dinosaur tearing down the house? metaphorical symbol for Sissy?" I nodded in agreement.

later peeps. She said she wanted to play with Wonder Girl outside so I'm on the porch supervising but her "play with wonder girl" equates to lay on the trampoline playing her recorder while shouting at Wonder Girl who is in the sand box what she thinks Wonder Girl should be doing, some of which includes instructions of what Wonder Girl should do for Sissy. Nipped THAT in the butt real quick. I keep telling myself it's not self-centeredness, it's self-preservation, the mind of the RAD child is self-preservation at all cost, THIS is what needs to be healed. focus mom, focus. Don't let her get your goat!


Ashley said...

Hang in there is all I can say....

Anonymous said...

When I go even to visit "Daniel," I try to remind myself that he is as scared to death of my visits, and what they mean for him, as I am of the visits, and what they mean for me. I know that he has to be analyzing every interaction, everything we do, that he is waiting for the bomb to drop on every conversation.. that the depth of the analysis might not be the same, but the fear is. I'm sure it is similar for Sissy.. she is home, but she does not know what it means.. and as horrible as the unknown is for YOU (and ME, and adults in general), it has to be even worse for our RAD kids, who are just so hypervigilant all the time anyway.

I do not envy you your weekend, love. But I have sympathy and empathy for all 5 of you.

GB's Mom said...

You and Sissy are being covered with prayer. Risperdone is wonderful- just have to watch weight gain. You are doing a great job- hang in there!

Lisa said...

hahah - very good self talk you got going on there. My son's last home-based therapist told us that he thought he was very "egocentric" - a fancy word for selfish. It's so true though. Maybe they feel they need to be but it always boils down to "looking out for numero uno". My favorite thing is when they don't have a clue how to play with another person properly, but they can come up with so many ideas about what and how the other child should be doing something. I have a house full of bosses.

Jane said...

Just adding my prayers.