On a good day, parenting will test the integrity of your character. On a bad day, parenting will test your will to live. Parenting children with trauma histories will cause you to test the integrity of everything and everyone you thought you knew, for the rest of your life.
~J. Skrobisz

Thursday, August 19, 2010

another rousing morning

I think I shouted something to the effect of "Can't I just have ONE normal morning?" as I pulled out of the driveway to get the girls to school on time, leaving AB on the toilet. (The Dad was still home, don't go all DFACS on me)

Because yesterday was, well, not fun. Sissy started it at 7 am with a bold faced lie followed by screaming and shouting that she was telling the truth which was followed by a 2 year old tantrum of more screaming and shouting, kicking and gnashing of teeth but into her pillow so at least it was muffled some. And that's how the morning started. You can imagine the rest of the day. I was asleep in the recliner by 8:30, woke up at 12:30 to crawl into bed, setting the alarm 30 minutes earlier than usual so I could do the household chores I didn't get to.

Thus I woke up this morning and went outside to take care of some yard work on the back porch, process a load of dishes and two loads of laundry, wake up AB so he could take a bath because he wet the bed, get up the girls, wash AB's soiled linens, sort dry laundry, make breakfast, get kids their meds, decide to buy lunch for them with the tip money I earned the day before washing windows (hey, I bought time and sanity with that money, thank you very much), fill water bottles and pack them snacks, put on AB's AFOs, feed the dogs, fuss at Sissy and announce it was time to go.

But wait. Where was AB? Oh no! He was on the toilet!!!

Bang on bathroom door. "Son? we have to go!"

*grunting*

*peer through the door quickly and discover a mess*

*big exasperated sigh*

Thankfully the school is only a mile. The girls were on time. Rush home to clean up AB and decide NOT to bathe him again because he used the equivalent of half a roll of toilet paper on his butt so I figured, eh, good enough. But I just have to say, changing a soiled 9 year old is tough when he is still wearing his AFOs and your bathroom is only 6x7,including the tub, toilet and sink.

I was crying, AB was crying. I was apologizing. AB was apologizing.

UGH. Some days it would be nice to not have to ... to not always have to find the rosy side of life, to not have to look for the good despite the bad, to not have to take care of a soiled nine your old twice in 90 minutes*, to not have to worry about the chance the $1800 dollar AFOs and shoes could be destroyed by feces. to not have to think ugh, how do I get at least some of the kids to school on time? while still appropriately tending to the child that needs the extra attention all without losing your cool. It would be nice to not have to think 10 moves ahead of Sissy every.single.minute.of.every.single.day. It would be nice if my youngest child actually had OLDER siblings, you know, the kind that take care of HER, not the other way around. It would be nice to not have to nod my head and smile and listen and be patient and understanding of other people because some days, I just want to scream at the world, "ARE YOU FREAKIN' KIDDING ME?!?! DO MY LIFE, JUST DO IT FOR ONE DAY. ONE. THEN COME TALK TO ME."

I want to pretend that I'm all patient, non-judgemental, Mother Theresa-ish.

I'm not.

In my head? I go psycho on people. Postal. Bananas. I put Sissy's worst tantrums to shame.

Then I do some deep breathing and I say nice, kind, considerate things with a sweet smile.

On the upside, the school has decided to have me file a medical alert for AB that will waive his tardies that are due to his bowel issues. That's a huge relief, you have no idea how relieving that is. Because today was his second tardy for this issue and it's only the second week of school and I learned today that after 6 tardies, the school computer automatically alerts the county which in turn alerts DFACS.

yeah, because I want DFACS at my door because AB has chronic bowel issues? That would be fun to explain. not.

Here's hoping tomorrow will go well. If it doesn't and you talk to me and I'm smiling sweetly and saying understanding things to you, just know that in my head, I'm probably flipping out over poop on AFOs all while I plan the next 10 moves so I can stay ahead of Sissy.

Yeah baby. I take multitasking to a whole new level.

*sissy soiled herself just last thursday. said she "didn't know she had to go until it was coming out"

6 comments:

Kerrie said...

I told Josh yesterday, "I must be crazy rockstar to be able to find good in this."

He said, "Yeah. Or insane."

501 Quilt Blocks said...

Thinking of you today.

Lisa said...

BTDT. I'm really glad the school has this out for the tardies. That is really dumb to automatically report after 6 tardies. What if you had kids in different schools that started at the same time - across town? Someone would have to be early and someone would either be on time or slightly late - life goes on people!! I guess we are dealing with so many SERIOUS issues with our kids that these nit-picky rules are just such a nuisance. Just what you need - DCFS showing up - how long would you be smiling on the outside and strangling someone on the inside then? haha

The toilet issues are just overwhelming sometimes. I can be very, very patient with my 6 yo who always waits until the last minute "until it's coming out" (and I actually believe him), but even then I want to yell, "YOU ARE SMARTER THAN THIS!!" He's so mature - leaps and bounds above his older sibs, but this one area seems to be it for him. I think it's emotional from all of the crazy he has to witness and live around from his older siblings. He's so protective of my dh and I because of it. Your posts about trying to create a little normal for WG really resound with me.

Here's hoping today is "normal".

BornToTravel said...

I just don't know how you do it, you are a testament to the fact that God will never give us more than we can handle I guess. Even though you are so honest here you get through it all with love that I see pouring through your posts for your children. I admire what you are doing and pray that God will continue to give you strength, good humor and many blessings.

J. said...

ugh, what a morning. May the weekend be a good one or at least accident free.

kisekileia said...

Automatic reporting after 6 lates? WTF?! That would cause problems for almost every family with an ADHD kid OR parent. So much abuse goes unaddressed that it's ridiculous to call in DFCS for that.