On a good day, parenting will test the integrity of your character. On a bad day, parenting will test your will to live. Parenting children with trauma histories will cause you to test the integrity of everything and everyone you thought you knew, for the rest of your life.
~J. Skrobisz

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

round and round the merry-go-round

I think I'm getting nauseated at this point.

I called the IFI team supervisor. Voiced my concerns. Just like that, she said, "I've got 10 years in RADs experience. I'm officially taking over your case. I'll be by in the morning to finish off the CBAY paperwork and get the ball rolling."

uh...
OK THEN!

right, so that means we lose Ms M. *pouts* but whatcha gonna do? It means Ms T won't be making me cry anymore. And there's a plus side I can live with!

Then, I called our CBAY team to say, "Heads up, new IFI team in town." And the CBAY gal is worried. Concerned that if we pursue EBD placement for Sissy, we'll regret it. Because...

Turns out IEP kids in our state only get certificates of completion, not a diploma which means, no college, not even tech or community schools without first passing a GED. And I was like, "HUH?" because Aspie Boy is an IEP kid and this is the first I've heard of that.

But then, Aspie Boy isn't full day resource, he only has 19 hours out of 40 and EBD placement would be full day? And is that the rub? Jury's still out. I've put in a few inquiry emails to the gal pals I know on the front lines (a resource teacher and and EBD teacher) to get the skinny. I'm not ignoring the CBAY gal, I'm just not going to roll over on this one until I know for sure what it is I know for sure. You know? lol

And all of that and Sissy brought home a letter saying she'll be recognized for achievement in something next week and I got an email from her teacher saying that she's at grade 7.2 reading level on the accelerated reading program (that's not achievement testing, IQ, or benchmarks, btw. That's kids reading books that they choose and taking quizzes on them so the 7.2 score is admittedly skewed but still.) 7.2?!? The kid's in fourth grade for crying out loud. So I have to say to myself, "is EBD placement the best option for her?" but I'm reminded at the same instant that she's increasingly impaired emotionally as compared with her peers. She brought home an invitation for a birthday party that we are unable to take her to and she cried and sulked not because she wouldn't get to join in the festivities for a classmate she enjoys spending time with but because it meant she wouldn't get to wear the new swim goggles she bought (see the photo from three entries ago. how does she not know that the kids will make fun of her?!?)

Right.

So if EBD isn't the best place because she's technically too smart for an IEP and really should get a diploma and not a certificate of completion but the gen. ed class is getting increasingly more challenging because of the social and emotional impairments so that the teasing and other nuances of NT kids are making her angry and violent at home and the pdoc expressed his concern that she's in gen ed, then it begs the question,

WHERE THE *BLEEP* DO WE PUT HER?!?!

I'm so dizzy.
Someone unplug my merry-go-round so it stops spinning. It's not making me merry anymore.

9 comments:

Kelly said...

I am so afraid this is exactly where we are going to be with Beth. It is too early to tell for sure as she already knows so much of what K is going to teach her next year but she is soooo far behind in her social and emotional development. She just thinks so differently than her same age peers and can not get along with them for very long. I hope you find just the place for her where she can be successful in her academics and with her peers.

FosterAbba said...

We have a similar problem with our kid, though for substantially different reasons. Basically, we have a kid with more or less average intelligence, but she's been held back two grades because she wasn't in school for most of her childhood.

We can't put her in public school. She's too smart for an IEP. They are making 504 accommodations, but it's clear that her previous teacher was letting her slide. She's too difficult to 100% home school because of her attitude, but even if her 'tude was better, we still don't really have the time because my wife and I both work full time.

Ideally, we'd hire a tutor to work with her one-on-one, but that costs lots and lots of money, which we do not have.

She's just another kid who is falling through the cracks because there aren't programs designed for kids with her needs.

Corey said...

Well, here's my thought. Do you think she will MAKE IT to diploma? Do you think that her behavioral stuff will get better with time, or (as she hits puberty and teen hormones kick in) worse?

I have two girls the same age.. Vivi is technically 2 months older, very bright, but RAD. Girl 2 is technically younger, and learning disabled. But the older (chronologically) they get, the older Girl 2 appears and the YOUNGER Vivi appears, because of her behavioral stuff. Also Vivi refuses to do schoolwork, refuses to succeed, and I think will eventually have police trouble and/or trouble with boys as she looks to fill the empty feelings. None of which will help her achieve academic success.

Even if Sissy gets a certificate of completion, she can still take the GED and still go to college, should she have her act together at that point. So I would think about what she (and YOU) needs right now, and worry about later, later.

GB's Mom said...

I wish the merry-go-round had a switch. Sadly, it doesn't. The where to put her is an age old question. In NY, it doesn't matter what class the child is in. If they pass the proper tests, they get a regular diploma. Both J and MK have regular diplomas. It took J an extra year and MK 2 extra years, but they passed all the tests. That is how MK is taking community college courses (and, cross your fingers, passing). Georgia may not routinely do this, but by federal law, they have to offer it, especially if your dig in your heels. Nothing counts, as far as a high school diploma until 9th grade anyway.

Mama Drama Times Two said...

If she is academically capable - then getting the GED might be easier than enduring the emotional horrors of high school. You could always call the admissions office at the local community college and see if they have an office for students with disabilits (tutoring etc) and get their take on the whole thing.

J. said...

Corey said it first! Oi what a merry go round is right.

Tudu said...

Without having the time to read the other comments, my thoughts are that EBD is not necessarily forever, if she is so smart than she can pass the GED, and it could be just what she needs to get her stuff together to be successful enough to graduate from reg ed. I wouldn't get so hung up on it in 4th grade, 8th grade start worrying.

jwg said...

I don't think that is legal. If she passes the same tests as everybody else she is entitled to a diploma. And they are required to offer her the academic work she is capable of doing. Do you know an Ed Advocate?

Crayon said...

That is a really tough one. One of my mentees, Faith, is 17 and she was kicked out of school recently for truancy and other bad behaviors. She was on an IEP. Now she is in a boot camp that has offered some schooling to help her prepare and take the GED. Have you seen that book? It is nearly 3" thick and just looking at it scares me! Understandably, Faith is overwhelmed by the GED and for a child with her special needs [ODD, RAD, ADHD, among other things], it is a very daunting task.

They don't honor her IEP at boot camp and I don't know the rules, but from what her dad says, they won't honor it for the GED either. She failed the practice test miserably. You have to get a minimum score on several parts to pass and if you fail the writing part, you fail the whole thing. The test is 8 hours long. Just something to keep in mind when considering the future and what Sissy can handle. I do not think Faith will pass the real test. She definitely had a better chance if she had stayed in school. As she has pointed out to me several times, you can't get a job at W*lmart w/o a diploma/GED. But as Tudu said, it may not be a problem now, but worry about it in 8th grade.