UGH to Christine that makes us work. Christine, I love to hate you! xxoo and big fat lip raspberries on your right arm.
Why the hatred, you ask? Because. She's created an attachment challenge for us and since the very notion of doing what she's asking makes me all jittery and anxious and wanting to run away or bury my head, I know that it is EXACTLY WHAT I NEED TO DO.
THAT's why I hate her. She knows what I need when I don't.
OK gals, click the linkeroo, sign yourself up and get your heines in gear. Let's harvest some RADishes from the garden.
Next point of order: Withholding.
After many years of trying to treat Sissy's bowel issues ... (ok, back up Jennie. You haven't told them the whole deal, have you?)
Let me restart with some background.
I told you Sissy's story and mentioned her raw, bloody, blistered, impetigoed bottom, yes? Well, she also had a torn hymen. Which potentially means but is not in itself conclusive evidence, that Sissy was sexually abused and not just improperly changed when soiled. All of her psychological issues about toileting and proper hygiene of her bottom suggests it, however, including her chronic bowel issues.
OK, so, back to the bowel issues.
We've tried many different remedies to alleviate her bowel issues all at the suggestions of the pdoc and psychologist. But since RTC, it's gotten much worse. Much worse means: she won't eliminate for 6-8 days and when she does, it is 6 inches in diameter and bloody. not hard, just mind-boggling enormous. The IFI supervisor suspects some internal issues owing to the suspected abuse, particularly as Sissy is embarking puberty. She says she's seen this before in boys and girls alike that have been abused. They get to puberty and their stools are enormous and it is evidence of a perforation gone undetected. The pdoc just simply said, "let the gen practitioner figure it out."
So, off to the gen practitioner today. For now he's calling it "withholding", a typical constipation issue that children have because they condition themselves to hold their stools to save themselves the embarrassment of notifying an adult at school that they need to go or because of fear of the public toilets in the school and the jeers from peers. So we are to increase Sissy's juice (which is nonexistent, she has an aversion complete with gagging), decrease the dairy (which is Sissy's first love), add miralax and schedule toileting as a 15 minute session directly after breakfast, her feet propped up on a short stool.
Guess who was a grumpy gus that made us all miserable when we got back from the doc? Did you guess that it was Sissy? Aren't ya'll so smart! Show of hands, how many of you think tomorrow is going to RADilicious when I tell her to drink juice instead of her coveted milk and then tell her she HAS TO use the toilet? Oh my! ALL of you have raised your hands! Well thanks for nothing then! lol
Anyone else have RADishes that withhold? Is this common? I've never read it in the RAD texts so this is news to me. Talk to me girls. Clue me in.
Lastly, does your RADish do the morning thing? Some days I go to bed and I tell myself, Get ready momma cuz she's going to start tomorrow with a bang! I'll have picked up on a subtle nuance of Sissy's that says, "And now I will make you pay!"
And so she'll start her morning having made a wrong choice and she'll just sit there or stand there or pace or whatever it is she tries to do to get my attention. Her whole body language says, "Ta Da! I'm doing something you wouldn't want me to do on PURPOSE! Now... what are you going to do about it?"
Like Wednesday morning. I come out of my room and there she was, wearing that mismatched outfit she knows I told her not to wear. What I really wanted to say as a good mommy was, "Good morning sweetheart! How are you?" but if I did that, it'd have been my death sentence.
She was sitting on the sofa like she was the queen of England, dressed in her I-look-like-a-baffoon-in-this-ridiculous-ensemble outfit and I stopped, took half a second to gather my strength and resolve and said, "No. Go change it now."
She hesitated and I smiled. "You know that outfit's a no." And I pointed. Then slowly, her eyes on me the whole time, she slid off the sofa and sulked to her room to change. She came out of her space and put her laundry in the laundry room, a very obvious gesture which meant and don't forget to check mom, because i didn't change my underwear and I want to see if you'll care to remind me.
And she hadn't been awake 10 minutes and I had yet to give her a friendly greeting and I picked through the laundry and noticed the absence of dirty underwear. "Sissy. change your underwear." Silently, she went back to her room and did it.
Without meds, she'd have raged. With meds she complies but with or without, she still tests me the instant my eyes are open. I don't get to my coffee before I've had to trouble shoot these irritating tests of my will. Sometimes she'll fire off as many as five or six in the span of 10 minutes. it's exhausting! And I wonder to myself, with all of this plotting, planning, brooding and scheming, the poor dear must be delirious! Some days when the mornings are really bad I just say, "Honey, I'm not going to stop loving you for doing all of this nonsense but neither will I stop giving you consequences. Your choice. Make it a good one!"
And so I conclude on that note with a reluctant attitude to take on Christine's attachment challenge. Sissy starts out every day challenging me before I've even turned on my brain and I'm about to make her mornings that much more fun. I really don't want to do what Christine suggests. I would much rather stomp my feet and walk off in a huff and slam a few doors. But I'm gonna do it. You should too.
xxoo to all my favorite RAD mommies in the world. You gals rock the house! Join me for some stiff drinks next Friday night, we're gonna need it.