ENOUGH

The hospital Sissy is at has a policy for out-of-town families that therapy phone sessions be conducted once weekly with one mandatory face-to-face session a month. TLs (therapeutic leave) don't start until after 30 days. Sissy has hit thirty days so the TLs begin.

*whine, moan sob*

Oh, the TL. Yes, an ulterior motive to try to trigger the behaviors so the hospital has something to document for insurance to believe that a child still needs placement. It's a game. And yes, I'm aware this statement reads poorly. I understand that it sounds cold, callous and unfeeling. Go ahead, say it, Don't you WANT Sissy back?

Yes. IF she's healthy and stable. No point in sending her to RTC for thirty days so she can come home and do it all again. As I told her therapist, "she needs time and distance away from her rages so she can reset her brain." It's kind of like a road - if it goes untraveled long enough, the grass and weeds start growing up and eventually it's impassable. EXACTLY the plan, provided we can keep Sissy in RTC long enough.

This week's phone session had me on edge, unable to sleep, pacing, running thoughts in my head, anxious, just worked myself up into a real dither. The point of a therapeutic phone session with my child is lost on me. I have done a rough estimate and have figured that I've logged the equivalent of two straight months, 24/7 talking to doctors and therapists about my child. It hasn't done *bleep* for her yet, so how in blue blazes will it do anything NOW? It's so *bleeping* useless.

And then she says crap on the phone too. Like how she'll only use her coping skills at the RTC and won't use them at home. And how she likes it at the RTC. And how she doesn't like it at home. Or how she won't rage at RTC but will rage at home. SAYING IT. OUT LOUD. IN FRONT OF THE THERAPIST. She has no intention of changing her behavior with us. And no answer for why. Said that she knows her rages give her brother migraines. Says she knows it scares her sister, that her sister is afraid of her. Knows it hurts our feelings when she tells us that she will refuse to obey unless we give her something and that she doesn't love us or even like us.

I think I could do without the *BLEEPING* phone sessions, thank you very much. But now, NOW we have to add the *bleeping* TLs to the mix. And I said straight up, I'm not bringing AB. Period. No way in hell am I subjecting him and all of his issues to it. WG, yes. She can deal with it. But poor AB can't even tolerate being in a vehicle half the time.

It's too much. It's all too *bleep bleeping bleep* much. Enough already. Seriously, enough. Why should we continue to put forth effort if she's saying in therapy 30 days in to her placement that she has no intentions of altering her behaviors at home? She shows NO remorse. None. No love. No compassion. No feeling. Nothing. Nothing at all. When asked if she feels bad about her rages afterward she paused and then said, "no. not really."

And today ... today The Dear Dad learned that he may have suffered nerve damage hearing loss as a result of her rages. If that's not a significant price to pay for our child, our daughter who DOESN'T *BLEEPING* CARE, then I don't have a *BLEEPING BLEEPITY BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP* clue what the *BLEEP* is.