Just trying to soak up the bliss in the country. 28 days Sissy has been gone. I know, I said I wasn't going to count but it kinda hit me this evening; the fact that she's been gone four weeks today.
I'm still doing everything in my power to not think of her mess, to not get riled up, to just breathe and let the waves of peace wash over me. My ears are ringing less and less everyday.
Except I still wake up wanting to punch something (and as I enlightened the Orlando moms, do my "shower therapy" verbal chanting). I have to cognitively remind myself when my eyes pop open that Sissy isn't here, the morning will go well, the afternoon will go well, the evening will go well, the bedtime hour will go well, that I will be well, that my family will be well. Yep. All that before my body rolls out of bed.
Men have no idea that women can do so much before they even move a muscle every day.
Spring break week and it's the first spring break EVER as a parent of school aged children that I haven't been on edge.
I still have to force myself to stop thinking about her at night so I can fall asleep but at least I'm not crying myself to sleep about her. I still have weird anxiety filled dreams about Sissy but at least I'm not waking up to a living nightmare too. I still think about her and talk about her during the day but I can stop myself and redirect my attention to having fun with the other two or by doing fun things for myself. Hello? LIBRARY?! My favorite weekly family activity that was completely usurped by Sissy this school year. Next best, parks, and we have done three already and this is just Tuesday. (AB has gotten in some serious swinging mileage.)
Laughing. Ah. Laughing is so good. And how about this one? AB and WG chasing each other tossing pillows and stuffed dogs and ducks and giggling, smiling and having a rip roaring good time just the two of them. When was the last time THAT happened? It was so nice. And I only said once, "be careful, you might break something." And guess what? They listened and obeyed. Just like that. When was the last time THAT happened?!?!
28 days ... of beauty, bliss and bounty.