To sleep perchance to dream

Last week Sissy's two agencies had an exercise in futility attempting to jump through all the hoops and cut all the red tape to get Sissy an emergency placement for a weekend respite. Thursday night last week we had a placement. Friday afternoon at 2:30 we had no payment for said respite.

This week they tried again and at 3:15 I was speaking to our respite provider to discuss Sissy's meds and routine. I picked the kids up from school and finger-motioned for WG to come to me so I could whisper to her.

"WHAT?"

"come here."

She walked closer and I said, "guess what? A whole weekend without Sissy screaming."

"Huh? I don't get it?"

"Sissy is spending the weekend with another family."

WG and I were giddy. We took AB to hippotherapy and she ran around and I giggled. "A whole weekend!" we kept shouting at each other in delight.

At 7:00 I was pulling out of the foster families driveway, an enormous grin plastered on my face.

After a fun evening chatting it up on the phone (until 2 am!) I went to bed and slept and slept and slept.

Best night of sleep I've had in a very long time.

Even with the alarm, it's still hard to sleep when you know your child is so volatile and is a threat to your safety. When we sleep, we are the most vulnerable and with Sissy here, I can't ever let my guard down.

If all goes well, we have this family every other weekend through December 26 when Sissy's agency reauthorizes the funds for respite as needed. I have every intention of chatting it up with her providers to let them know how DESPERATE we are if I didn't know I was sleeping so poorly until I finally had the chance to sleep a whole night through. The first time since her discharge from RTC last March.