On a good day, parenting will test the integrity of your character. On a bad day, parenting will test your will to live. Parenting children with trauma histories will cause you to test the integrity of everything and everyone you thought you knew, for the rest of your life.
~J. Skrobisz

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Out Crazy the Crazy CONTEST!

The Finished Turkey Panel!

I finished it on Thanksgiving day and now, three days after Thanksgiving, it is hanging up. Sadly, the picture doesn't show the quilting but I'm looking at it while I type this and I can tell you, it looks pretty.(sawtooth star)








the matching table runner and trivets


Thirty minutes ago I sat down, after feeding everyone and just as I took my first bite of turkey sandwich, Sissy says, "Mom. What does caffeine look like alone?"

I don't know how she does it, or why. I can't even tell you if it's intentional or just extremely poor timing. I certainly can't certify the crazy crap that comes out of her mouth. I can tell you only this. When the crazy comes out of her mouth, I ignore her. Who can answer these insane questions? "Not I," says the the cow. "Not I," says the dog. "Not I," says the cat. "Nor I!" shouts this mother!

Last night I took the opportunity, after a very LONG drive home, Sissy and AB going nutso giddy, to send some crazy back her way. While playing outside at Grandma's yesterday afternoon, she decided to pick a rose off the rosebush, apparently it was a gift for me. Then, as we packed to go, she decided to put the bloom in her hair. Sometime on the trip home with all of the insanity happening in the backseat, Sissy decided every petal of that rose needed to come off and be dropped on the floor and seat, left for the clean-up fairy to come and clean it up.

I discovered this petal palooza when I returned to the van an hour after our return home, to unpack. I opened up the side door and voila. Petals. Everywhere. I breathed a sigh and gathered my wits. *think, think, think* Ok, I'll just have her suck it up with the handvac. whatevs. i won't dissect the RADical connotations. I just want the flower cleaned up.

I went to her room, she was already in pajamas. I handed her the handvac and said, "Do you know what I want you to do with this? Here's your hint. I've just returned from the van and noticed a mess."

"There's petals everywhere?"

"Yep."

"oh."

"It's cold outside, i suggest you put on your robe before you go out. Thank you for cleaning it up without raging." (I threw in that last bit as a Don't-TRY-raging-about-this)

"you're welcome."

o.O

Two minutes later she emerged from her room with her robe on. That is to say, from the front, it was closed and sashed. From the back, it is hiked up all kinds of crazy, her bottom hanging out, the sash haphazardly tied about her rear. We've had discussions about her unwillingness to put on her clothing correctly. The robe being the most ridiculous offender to her come-what-may attitude about attire.

"Um. Sissy. Your robe is ..."

"...WHAT!?"

"*ahem* Well, if you want everyone to see you that way, leave it. OR, untie your robe and fix it before going out."

the rumblings of a rage were in the back of her throat. Somehow we managed to get through all of the put-down-the-handvac-untie-the-sash-pull-down-the-robe-over-your-butt-retie-the-sash instructions without an all out war and she was out the door harrumphing at the injustice of having a mother that gives a flying flip. And that's when I got crazy.

I dashed into the bathroom, stripped, threw on my pajamas and put on my robe. Only I made sure my robe looked perfect from the front and absolutely idiotic from the back. My granny panties hanging out, my robe hiked up above my waist, my sash looped UNDER my derriere. I made it to the kitchen just as Sissy was putting back the handvac.

"Thank you for putting that away correctly." I said with a silly grin. Sissy looked up and saw only my perfectly tidy front. "Just one question." I snickered and turned around, bending over for full affect. "Is there something wrong with my robe? I'm getting a draft on my bottom." I patted it for full affect.

Sissy grunted at me, groaned and then growled. "UGH! MOM!!!!"

"What?" I turned back around, looking at my front. "I just don't understand it." I feigned ignorance in my best Snow White voice. "The front of my robe looks just fine." I cinched the sash tighter to prove the point.

"yourrobeiswrongintheback" she mumbled to the ground.

"Oh? What should I do?"

"PULLITDOWN!!!YOURBUTTISSHOWING!!!!!" she hissed at me.

I turned around and did as instructed so she could witness what I was doing to make my robe correct. "Oh yes, you're absolutely right. That's much better. My bottom is nice and toasty warm now. Thank you!"

more grumbling. "Well Sissy," I turned around and faced her, coming within her invisible comfort zone as I knelt just low enough to be eye-to-eye. "That looked really dumb, didn't it?"

"yes."

"I bet you would have laughed at me if you weren't mad."

grunting.

"You should have. I looked stupid. I looked like an absolute idiot."

glaring.

"When I ask you to fix your robe, it's because I don't want people laughing at you. I don't want YOU to look like an idiot."

"but, but, BUT!!!..."

"you've told me it makes you really mad when people laugh at you. Right?"

"yes."

"So as your mom, I'm trying to help you so people don't have a reason to laugh at you. i do this because I care about you. I care what you want."

grunting.

"Do you know how to put your robe on correctly?"

"yes."

"So ... if you choose not to, then you're going to look like an idiot, aren't you?"

"yes."

"and people will laugh."

"YES!"

"Then please fix your robe correctly. I ask you because I care. OK?"

she nodded her head.

"and if I ever look that stupid again, go ahead at laugh at me. I'd deserve it."

half-hearted smile.






OUT CRAZY THE CRAZY! CONTEST

comments are open to anonymous
1. in Comments tell us YOUR craziest out-crazy-the-crazy story
2. if you choose to tell your story on your blog, please link this post on your blog using this url: http://peaceinpuzzles.blogspot.com/2010/11/out-crazy-crazy-contest.html
Then put your story link in Comments here
3. Stories will be received until midnight Monday, EST.
4. Stories will be linked or reposted on this blog for the purpose of voting
5. voting is open to all readers, voting ends midnight Wednesday, EST.
6. Winner will receive a quilted set of four Christmas coasters!

11 comments:

kisekileia said...

Nice job!

I don't think the caffeine question is crazy, though. There's nothing wrong with random curiosity.

Ranger said...

The quilt is gorgeous! Really lovely colours, it's a beautiful thing. You have a serious talent there!

FosterAbba said...

I vote you extend the deadline! :)

Acceptance with Joy said...

LOL... I can't even begin to compete!! Your story is hilarious... I can't top that. I'm not genius enough.

We have crazy questions here ALL the time. I mean every second of ever day. :-) I let them roll and I answer if I know and feel it would be helpful, otherwise I ignore it and they're on to the next question without another thought.

megan said...

Aren't children's curious questions wonderful? If Sissy is still interested in the chemical component of caffeine, she can look at the t-shirt thinkgeek.com has with the element makeup of the compound. I have the caffeine coffee mug. :)

Here is the link:
http://www.thinkgeek.com/homeoffice/mugs/3820/

And the wikipedia entry about it:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caffeine

marythemom said...

It doesn't work well, but my major crazy thing is supposed to embarass my child into using her brain and stop forgetting her stuff.

Whenever my child forgets something at home (usually morning meds) I bring it to her dressed in an extra special outfit. Neon colored tie dyed t-shirt with matching shorts. Neon striped socks and pink high heels. It's one of the many things I do to stay in the Meanest Mom in the World Club.

If you want to see me in my costume you can check out my blog post about this - http://marythemom-mayhem.blogspot.com/2010/05/worlds-meanest-mom-award-best-costume.html

Mary in TX

Angela :-) said...

I want to participate. I really do. Only I didn't see this until about 11 PM central time on Monday & I can't think of anything right now. Although, tomorrow, I'll definitely be on the lookout for an opportunity for a late entry. LOL

Angela :-)

FosterAbba said...

Here's our crazy story:

Once, my wife was giving our daughter, who was in an extremely cranky mood, a ride to school. The drive was peppered by complaints, arguing and insults.

Finally, in frustration, my wife turned to our daughter and started quacking like a duck. Every time the kid said something unpleasant, my wife responded with a loud, "QUACK!"

Pretty quickly, our daughter stopped dead in her unpleasant tracks and started laughing.

Amanda said...

Your quilting is amazing! Have you ever considered opening up a "shop" on Etsy?

Happymom4 aka Hope Anne said...

I just finally had time to read this, and I have laughed till I cried . . . you are such a smart Mom--and while I've got good stories, none of mine can top yours!!

Tara - SanitySrchr said...

I'm just catching up so I missed this contest, but I wanted you to know I really enjoy your quilt!!! It's gorgeous and I only wish I had a fraction of that talent!