On a good day, parenting will test the integrity of your character. On a bad day, parenting will test your will to live. Parenting children with trauma histories will cause you to test the integrity of everything and everyone you thought you knew, for the rest of your life.
~J. Skrobisz

Friday, October 8, 2010


When I can't make
the words come out
It's just because
I want to shout.

Sometimes the words
Are not enough
Only screams
Will have the stuff.

I want to punch
Kick and yell
This mounting angry
Sure can swell.

I used to be
So very kind
Now I know
I was just blind.

The Dad and I had the same dream last night which I have to admit, is really freaky but telling of our anguish. We both dreamed that wee were kidnapped by a dark haired man with tan skin. In my dream, he was part of a family group from the mafia. In his dream, he was a hill billy. In both, we knew that to attempt to scream or escape would be death. The tan skinned man held a gun to my head when I tried. When I explained that I had no money, no cash, no credit cards on me, no valuable possessions, NOTHING worth kidnapping me for, he laughed.

pdoc says we could try hospital homebound education for Sissy. I just laughed. Right. And give her the opportunity to harrass me 24/7? I don't think so. We are all worried about Sissy's unabated weight gain on the resperidal. We are titrating her on geodon over the next 10 days. do I think it will make a difference in her ability to control her rage? Not for a skinny minute.


kisekileia said...

What is hospital homebound education?

Integrity Singer said...

@kisekileia - it means she is getting her education at home with 3-5 hours of instruction/week from a county public school educator. The rest of the work is done independently and submitted weekly back to her homeroom teacher. It is the same education a student would get if they were in a hospital for long term treatment but they didn't want to lose the academic year on the transcript. Essentially, it's homeschooling through the public school.