On a good day, parenting will test the integrity of your character. On a bad day, parenting will test your will to live. Parenting children with trauma histories will cause you to test the integrity of everything and everyone you thought you knew, for the rest of your life.
~J. Skrobisz

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

I wanna talk about ME!

I wanna talk about me, wanna talk about I, wanna talk about number one oh my, me my, what I think, what I like, what I know, what I want, what I see. I like talking about you you you you usually, but occasionally, I wanna talk about ME! Thanks Toby!

Yesterday in my personal therapy session, I briefly recapped my therapist on the week with Sissy and that mostly, we're in a holding pattern until we get her back in RTC.  Things like Sissy went flipping nuts last night about making her bed - completely psycho - pounding the walls, kicking crap, psycho but hell, she's in a safe room now, so who the heck cares?  Let her rage about making her bed, what the hell ever.  That's how I feel about it today.

So my therapist said, "well, what if we talk about YOU today?" because yeah. The last 10 weeks of therapy have been all Sissy Sissy Sissy Sissy, good God almighty, my life is all about friggin' Sissy.

And I got giddy and said, "WELL!" and after three months, I finally got to tell her I'd gone gluten free, that I feel good - AMAZING, we discussed my family's history with obesity and how that impacts me and my thyroid disease and my self image.

We talked about my quilting and the quilt retreat i'm going on over my birthday weekend again because gosh, if it isn't easier to not be HERE when it's my birthday because Sissy will make it horrible.

We talked about WG and all the amazing things she does and says. We talked about how cool it is to have a "normal" kid and how she sang during church service on Sunday as part of Cantate singers and it was SO cool and it made my eyes water some because how cool is THAT?!

We talked about how some days I say in exasperation to AB, "Geez son, could you not be asperger's for just half a minute once?!" and then laughed because AB's response to my exasperated request is always, "Huh? Mom? That doesn't make sense. How can I be not me?" And I giggled about how the pretty candle lit on the table in the therapy room would drive him nuts, absolutely batty.

We talked about marriage and how traumatized children affect marriages and what are The Dad and I doing to keep our marriage healthy, as healthy as it can be despite the chaos and I told her how working together is probably the single best thing we could have ever done to preserve our relationship.

We talked about fall, my favorite season and my birthday on the 16th and how I'm on the downward slope toward 40 this year, hitting the 36 mark. We agreed that 40 feels good, just the thought of it makes me happy because then maybe I'll finally feel like I know a thing or two, and if not, I'll know enough to play it off like I do.

It was so much fun to talk about ME!

Don't do it, don't let your wango tangoes steal from you, your family, your joy. Don't let them be all you think about, talk about do, say, think, hear or breathe. There's a whole world out there of amazing people and some of them are still living in your house, enduring the hell with you. Resist the Wango Tango!


Things WG has said to me the past few weeks that make me want to tackle her with love:

"Mom. Just so you know, I pray every day that God will heal your body so you can eat gluten again."

To which I said, "But WG, I AM healthy BECAUSE I don't eat the gluten."

"But mom, what does gluten do to you anyway?"

"It makes me unable to POO!!!" and we laughed and laughed and she said, "Oh mom, you're SO funny"

or this one:
She was just sitting at the table, dreamily admiring the finished wall hanging quilt when she said with a sigh, "oh mom, it's just so BEAUTIFUL!"

or when I got my BP checked at the free BP meter at CVS:
"Ooo! WG, look, my BP is 122/82. That's GOOD!" and WG hugged my neck hard and said while jumping and clapping, "YAY MOMMY! You are doing so good getting healthy! Your heart is getting better! But mom, what about your butt? Cause it's still kinda big..." and she looked at me sideways in preparation for me to be mad about her remark but I just laughed because what are you going to do when the ENTIRE waiting area at CVS hears your 6 year old say that?!?

And then AB just makes me want to shout from the mountains, "I HAVE THE SINGLE BEST SON EVAH!" because I do.

He is lactose intolerant but really likes chocolate milk. So I sent him to school with a lunch box size chocolate silk milk. He told me yesterday the following conversation occurred at school:

"mom. this girl? She is wrong. She lies. And lying is against the law. And she is going to be arrested. She said silk milk is from cows. And I said no. Because it's from soy beans. Right mom? It's from soybeans? And she said I was wrong and I lied and I said no, because my mom used to teach science and math and she knows and you told me it's soy milk, from soy beans and I showed her on the box and everything and she still said I was wrong. But I'm not. She's wrong. right mom?"

I love my son!

AB and The Dad being silly in bed last night

They're not sleeping, they're being silly, pretending to be sleeping and trying very, very hard not to bust up laughing long enough for me to take the picture.


GB's Mom said...

What an update! {{{hugs}}}

sweethoneydoo said...

girlie girl. i have lost your address. i have a quilting book i want to send you, as well as some avon goodies just so you can pamper yourself. email it to me so i can mail said package out hopefully this friday.

oh and seeing you post things like this make me smile.

Debora said...

Thank you for the update and the giggles! :o) Your younger two make me happy for you. And I'm so glad you got to talk about you for a change! Way to go, I.S.!


Mama Drama Times Two said...

What an great lighthearted post - thanks! I needed a good happy laugh. Hearing the cute things AB and WG are saying (and doin') just cracked me up. Sissy??? Sissy, who?

kisekileia said...

Haha, I totally understand where AB is coming from, only I drink lactose-free cow's milk. It drove me nuts when other kids were wrong and insisted they were right.

I think that saying "Geez son, could you not be asperger's for just half a minute once?!" is kind of mean, though :(.