On a good day, parenting will test the integrity of your character. On a bad day, parenting will test your will to live. Parenting children with trauma histories will cause you to test the integrity of everything and everyone you thought you knew, for the rest of your life.
~J. Skrobisz

Thursday, January 14, 2010

just one more thing on my list

trying really hard not to panic.

REALLY hard.

breathing, breathing, breathing...

First - The Dad hurt his knee nearly two weeks ago at the park with the kids. The injury put him out of work for a week and he's hobbling this week but trying to work. This means I've done triple duty - mom, housekeeper, employee. I work every week but since he's been down for the count, I've had to do extra to keep up the business so we can...

Second - pay bills! OMG. I'm trying not to freak out about January's bills. In case you didn't notice, it's cold out there and that really puts a damper on window cleaning.

breathing, breathing, breathing...

Then.

THEN!

Third - Aspie boy has not been sleeping. Let me start again. He always has issues with sleep, nature of his disorder, but it's been particularly bad. The other night he barely slept at all in addition, his stimming has been awful. Let me restate. He's been on non-stop motion, rocking, pacing, taping, humming, singing, talking, flapping, shrieking, he's making me motion sick watching him. So, I called the specialist.

They're putting him on an anti-depressant to help him sleep. OK, you say, no big deal, you say. Docs do that all the time, you say. Yup. they do. And ordinarily I'd be relieved for him to finally be getting some sleep except...

Except last year, 15 months ago, to be exact, just before Sissy turned 9, the docs put her on an antidepressant to help her sleep. Which it did. Getting enough sleep at night effectively threw her straight into manic and three months later she was diagnosed bipolar.

Aspie Boy just turned 9. He's not sleeping. He's getting an antidepressant. His docs told me when he was 4 that he'd likely be diagnosed bipolar with the onset of puberty. Bipolar is hereditary. You see where I'm headed with this?

OMG!

breathing, breathing, breathing...

I'm really trying hard not to freak out. Really, I'm trying.
It's not working.

7 comments:

Jeri said...

You can do this...you can do this...you can do this...but I don't know HOW to tell you what to do. Surely there are meds just for sleep that are not antidepressants? Is it a different med than Sissy took? Hang in, even if it's by one toenail.

Stacy said...

I was in a near panic too last summer, for about 6 months. Laith was beginning to act just like Leena, at the same exact age. And, to make matters worse, Hubby was working out of town. While Laith is somewhat managable now, it still scares me to think of the similarities between them. You will be ok and you will get through this. {{hugs}}

Christine said...

We got my Tourettes gal off of her RX med for sleep and on to melatonin. Cheaper and MUCH more natural. Her doctors never once mentioned melatonin to us. Always suggested RX meds. grrrrrr

Also, I have been doing TONS of research lately on nutrition and mood disorders and neurological issues. Since we started Mar on more of a vitamin therapy (and strict diet) and I cannot even begin to describe the change I've seen. At 1000 mg of Niacin a day, the emotional upheaval was at an all-time low so that we could actually begin to TALK.

Cause, you know (preaching to the beat-up choir), you can't reason with a kid who is so dysregulated all the time, you're not even sure you're on the same planet.

Anywho, in some of my stuff I've been reading, using and finding success:

http://www.orthomolecularhealth.com/~orth9777/bi-polar-disorder.htm

(Hoffer did some amazing research and helped so many people over the years)

http://doctoryourself.com/

(Dr. Saul has basically picked up where Hoffer left off - it was his stuff which got us on the Niacin - I could kiss the man on the MOUTH!)

Diana said...

Oh, my goodness. I see so much of myself in you that it's frightening. Really. Seriously.

Girlfriend, you're riding the fear horse right over the cliff and straight into the ground. Believe me, nothing productive is going to come from it. Dismount before you're both dead.

Go take a very long, very hot bubble bath ASAP. Put on some smooth, mellow tunes and use only candle light. Let the kids destroy the house and swing from the rafters in the process. They're going to do it anyway, so take some time for you. Don't think about anything, don't try to solve any problems. Just sit back, close your eyes, and enjoy how that bath feels. You'll emerge a new woman. :-)

And when you do emerge, don't get back on the fear horse. I know you're scared and I know you're stressed - and when I say stressed, I KNOW what stress really is. You're kukoo, over the top, crazy woman stressed and everything around you is spinning out of control and you feel like there's not a darn thing you can do about any of it.

But there is. Just like there's only one way to eat an elephant, there's only one way to deal with what's in front of you. One bite at a time. If you try to shove the whole elephant in your mouth at once, it's not going to fit. If you forget to chew and swallow between bites, you'll gag and choke.

You're going to deal with what's on your plate the very same way. Take a bite, chew it, swallow it, breathe, and then take another bite, chew it, swallow it, and breathe. When you get full, step away and take a break. And then go back and take another bite, chew it, swallow it, and breathe.

You can do this.


I'm not a fan of putting kids on antidepressants or even clondadine, either. They all gave my kids nightmares and zoloft made one of them suicidal. That was the end of that!

Rachela said...

Have you tried melatonin for his sleeping issues? A lot of auties are helped by it. I'd recommend trying it before antidepressants, especially with the family history.

Anonymous said...

Hang in there! Hope things get better!
Sorry if you're getting swamped with suggestions but can they just treat the bipolar instead? Mine did that with depakote and it treated the bipolar and helped her sleep. Because anti depressants can make bipolar worse.
Or just try it at a low dose and if things get bad stop. Meds worked wonders for us, it just took a very long time to find the right ones and right dosage. Don't worry, bipolar can be treated with meds, and maybe his won't be as bad.

Anonymous said...

SSRI antidepressants are known to cause mania in some. While doctors may say that indicates a bipolar disorder that may have been previously latent, some who have personally experienced medication-induced mania (and never experienced mania before or since when not on medication) do not believe this to be the case and see the mania as purely a medication side effect and not a sign of a preexisting mental illness.

I don't doubt that you and your children's healthcare workers are the experts here but I just wanted to propose this possibility in case you weren't aware of this phenomenon and in case it may have some relevance to your situation.

Sometimes being diagnosed as bipolar when the mania is solely medication induced can lead to more problems and start a difficult to stop cycle of medication that causes side effects that look themselves like mental illness. And so begins a process of trying one medication after another, when in fact there may have been no actual pathology to begin with at all.

I understand there is a history of mental illness in the biological family of your children so this thought may not be at all relevant to your situation. Still I wanted to throw it out just in case. Best wishes for your family.