Diana from Gold to Refine gave me an Rx: relaxing bath and some RxR. I took her excellent advice. Feeling better today. Thanks Diana!
The psychiatrist from the RTC called today. Hip Hip Hooray! This is only the second time I've talked to him since Sissy's placement. He filled us in on their treatment for her which included her EEG and EKG results, her liver enzyme and cholesterol lab work and their med plan. He's adding lamictal to her list. No surprise there. I anticpated that. So she's on an anti-psychotic, an anti-depressant and an anti-convulsant. They're going to start neuro feedback as well. I'm glad, i was hoping they would. Her EEG and EKG did not turn up anything unusual and he believes the diffuse spike from her EEG in September when she was with us is due to the Wellbutrin she was on. Her liver enzymes and cholesterol are fine. Her weight gain is being monitored but I suspect the lamictal will counter act the respirdol when it comes to weight issues. Apparently, she's been crying alot but of course we've not known about any of that because she manipulates and lies when she talks to us and has painted a picture that she is doing just fine. And since the staff isn't calling us to give us a heads up on her progress, there would be no way for us to know that she's been lying. Since he didn't mention the EEG showing any developmental delay, I can only assume they have dropped the issue of diagnosing her on the spectrum (but I didn't ask flat out if that was the case so it's anybody's guess.)
Aspie Boy slept last night on the trazadone but he is CRAZY FAST. I know, I know. It takes 3 - 6 weeks to know how he will respond. But CRAZY FAST! makes me nervous.
I know that the meds are there to help people manage their mental health, that's what they're designed for. What I don't know is I will be adequate to manage these meds for the children. Sissy will eventually come home and still be on all of these meds. Aspie Boy's medicinal future is up in the air. Getting into anti convulsants and anti psychotics makes me nervous. I'm feeling very inadequately equipped and I can take the time to make myself more adequately equipped but always at the risk of my sanity and wellbeing. Hello? I'm still just Jennie. You know, the girl that grew into a woman that wanted to be a mom?
Pharmacologist/Psychiatrist/AT/OT/Psychologist? Not so much.
This is so much more than just reading some RAD books and helping a child nurture. This is so much more than taking Aspie Boy to an OT for weekly appointments. I'm not prepared for this emotionally, mentally, physically, financially. It's killing my social and spiritual life. And I live in an environment that is pisspoor for mental health support. I'm really not sure what to do or how to get to a point of feeling safe to parent such demanding needs and still feel like an adult woman that has her own life.
For those of you with double and triple the number of children I have (3), how on earth do you manage it? Where do you get the time, the energy, the financial resources, the support, the help, the physical and mental strength, the social and spiritual interaction required to do such a demanding job? We're sinking in all seven areas of our wellness wheel and I don't know how to make it work. Just knowing that some of you are parenting that number of special needs children makes me anxious. It also makes me feel bad about my own skills because I'm struggling so much just parenting 3.
For now, I'm reciting "Nothing is Impossible with God" as my mantra. About 100x a day.