On a good day, parenting will test the integrity of your character. On a bad day, parenting will test your will to live. Parenting children with trauma histories will cause you to test the integrity of everything and everyone you thought you knew, for the rest of your life.
~J. Skrobisz

Thursday, February 3, 2011

WG lost it tonight

WG lost her crap today. She just couldn't hold it in. It's been festering and simmering for weeks. Can you blame a six year old for being this angry when her ENTIRE LIFE has been spent dealing with two challenged older siblings? When I tell her don't do what they do, WG and BTW, respond better than them too. She's only six, I'm asking a lot of her to behave like an adult in the face of such adversity when let's be honest, there are ADULTS that don't keep their crap together. Can I get an 'amen'?!?

She screamed, she kicked, she hit Sissy, she hollered in The Dad's face, she fussed, she tantrumed she got sent to her room to eat supper alone. I went in to bring her a table for her meal and she clung to my legs, "MOMMY! Please don't leave me alone!" and I said, "I'm sorry WG, but you have to face the consequence for your actions."

The Dad brought her the supper and she hollered at us all, "But Sissy doesn't care! She tells us so ALL THE TIME! She tells us how she hates us, won't be nice to us, ALL THE TIME! She's MEAN!"

And WG is right. All of what she said is true. Except WG isn't challenged and regardless of the crap Sissy doles out daily, each of us is responsible for our actions, WG included. She can't just go around losing her crap, hitting, screaming, kicking, being disrespectful and defiant. We don't let Sissy do it, she has consequences too (although 100% of the time Sissy gets quadruple consequences because she goes apesh!t when you give her even ONE consequence).

WG pulled it together and was silent almost immediately. I tried very hard not to cry and run to her room and rescue her. When she was finally settled down, The Dad brought her food back to the table, WG apologized to Sissy for hitting and the rest of the evening has been without issue.

It's not fair. I'm expecting my six year old to behave better than her older sister. No. not true. I expect the same from Sissy, she just refuses to comply. It is heartbreaking, though, to hear the truth screamed at us from the mouth of a spent six year old. Her words still resonate in my bones, two hours later, yet I have no answer to give WG because I've screamed the same at the powers that be and still, Sissy is here, wreaking havoc on the lives of FIVE people.

4 comments:

GB's Mom said...

Most 6 year olds lose it occasionally. And WG lives with more stress then most. Maybe encouraging her to talk about her feelings regularly or drawing when under stress would help. Or maybe Diana's therapeutic sand table... just for her. Just thinking out loud. I know it sucks! But you don't have any fairies in your house, either :(

beemommy said...

Life is so freaking not fair but of course, I don't have to tell you that. Sucks that WG is having to learn that so young, so often. Hugs

cinch said...

You are doing the right thing...if there weren't the issues in the house there would be a consequence and as a parent you would feel bad then too but it is just magnified because of all the other things going on. Everyone has to learn how not to throw temper tantrums and you are right that Sissy isn't lerning but WG has the capacity so she has to learn. Know it is hard but I believe in you.

Elizabeth-Anne said...

(((((((HUGS)))))))!! We went through some of the same with BJ--not with RADs but with completely insensitive people who could not get their heads wrapped around the fact that cultural difference was not amoral, and yes, it totally sucks when you're telling a 5 or 6 year-old to act better than the adults (or elders) around her because, by law, you can't beat the adults' heads against the wall screaming, "BUT YOU'RE THE ADULT! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S OLDER! IF YOU DON'T HAVE THE COPING SKILLS, WHY SHOULD THEY????"

Ross Greene's work has helped us tremendously. Not only for dealing with behaviors from our children, but also with dealing with the behaviors of small-minded individuals around us (and, sometimes, with my own small-mindedness as well). I HIGHLY recommend "The Explosive Child" and "Lost at School".

Again (((((((HUGS)))))))!!!