On a good day, parenting will test the integrity of your character. On a bad day, parenting will test your will to live. Parenting children with trauma histories will cause you to test the integrity of everything and everyone you thought you knew, for the rest of your life.
~J. Skrobisz

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

WINNER, the next contest and Resignation

Well, with only two entries in the OUT CRAZY THE CRAZY contest, I didn't take the time to have voting and I just voted myself. FosterAbba's tale of fostereema quacking at their daughter was great but it can't beat Marythemom's tale of dressing like a fool for the sake of embarrassing her forgetful children.

Mary, email me directly with your snailmail and the coasters are on the way!

Many of you reported that you haven't done crazy things to make a point for your RADs. Which I'm certain isn't true, you are probably doing all kinds of wild and wonderful things to teach your children. But this time, I want to know what wild and wonderful things your RADS have done to make you go crazy.

1. deadline for entries is midnight 12-6-10, EST
2. your child's tale can not include anything that required interventions from police, emergency rooms or hospitalizations - in the interest of respecting our children (though they are loathe to respect us) let's keep is "clean"
3. comments are open to anonymous
4. in Comments tell us YOUR craziest my-RAD-does-crazy-things story
5. if you choose to tell your story on your blog, please link this post on your blog using this url: http://peaceinpuzzles.blogspot.com/2010/12/winner-next-contest-and-resignation.html
Then put your story link in Comments here
6. Stories will be linked or reposted on this blog for the purpose of voting
7. voting is open to all readers, voting ends midnight 12-8-10, EST.
8. Winner will receive a quilted set of four Christmas coasters!

I will make the coasters tonight and post the pictures so you can see what you might win. They will be the same as before only a different color scheme.

PLEASE link on your blog so other bloggers have the chance of winning too!

Sissy had a great week last week. "Great" defined as rages that didn't last more than 25 minutes, opportunities where she might rage but she chose to grump, stomp and whine instead, minimal lying, sneaking and manipulation and overall, significantly easier to live with. The reason? The kids were off school for the entire Thanksgiving week. And... she had a panic attack five minutes before we got into the van Monday morning for school.

Even though she had a less stressful week, even though we have accepted that our state is broke and Sissy will not qualify for a placement, even though I'm still willing to go to the ends of the earth to make sure her needs are met (including traveling to Boston - still waiting to hear back from them), even though I would love for her to be a functional and integral part of our family ...

I have resigned to accept that it will never be a reality. For whatever reason, RAD, organic mental health issues, developmental delays, self-will, irreversible trauma, abuse, Sissy is incapable of comprehending relationship, love, trust, or family. Though we dance around her and beseech her to play along, though we talk to her in soothing tones, though we spend HOURS each week getting her various therapies, though we give her EVERYTHING she needs and often what she wants regardless of her behaviors, she remains an emotionally desolate island.

I look outside my maternal view of my daughter and I am disheartened to see such a challenged child that is incapable (or is unwilling?) of receiving anything from anyone with any modicum of normalcy. Then I say to myself, "this is MY daughter. This person I am responsible for. This person who will continue to bring me sorrow and pain both wittingly and unwittingly is mine to raise to adulthood. This young woman who barely regards me but who lives in my house, eats the food I prepare, wears the clothing I purchase for her and asks me to brush the tangles out of her hair is my charge, like it or not."

When I dropped her off for therapeutic respite she spoke with her back to me, "bye mom". And I left without another thought from her. When I picked her up, I got a half-hearted, "hi mom" as she sullenly walked past me at the front door and got into the van. Last night she begged for a hug goodnight after raging for over an hour but then confessed directly afterward that she doesn't really care about me, that hugging is habit and she can't sleep unless she's done it.

This morning I told her the therapist was picking her up from school and she giddily hopped up and down, clapped her hands and shouted, "YAY! I love outings with her!!!"

Resignation becomes me, don't you think? Resigned to be Sissy's mother whether she likes it or not. Resigned to not let her crap yank me around. Resigned to out crazy her crazy by waving my granny-pantied bottom at her. Resigned to the fact that I'll continue to search high and low to get her the support she needs while she verbally berates me and emotionally regards me as a statue. Resigned to the truth that she'll be an adult one day that will bad mouth me to the world while bouncing from one person to the next until she wears out her welcome and their pocket books. Resigned.


GB's Mom said...

MK has gone 3 months without a rage or visit to lalaland for the FIRST TIME in the almost 25 years she has lived with us. I never expected it to happen. Praying. {{{{Hugs}}}}

Tara - SanitySrchr said...

I still don't understand why so many people just don't understand mental illness enough to put the helpful services in place. I've resigned as well when it comes to that.

I will say though...no one will see my grannie-panties up in the air! You're one brave and creative woman.