On a good day, parenting will test the integrity of your character. On a bad day, parenting will test your will to live. Parenting children with trauma histories will cause you to test the integrity of everything and everyone you thought you knew, for the rest of your life.
~J. Skrobisz

Monday, June 21, 2010

Why blogging is useful

After two weeks of rage and wobbly moods, Sissy's pdoc upped her Intuniv to the full load, 4 mg. Shut her down. Then...she woke up Saturday night, talking to herself.

Let me restate. She screamed, "OH NO!" and then explained to The Dad, who was quite concerned, that when she said "hello" to the people she was talking to, her voice sounded wobbly.

Yes. She was trying to talk to people. People that weren't there. People "in her head" as she said. And her voice sounded different to her when she spoke.

The Dad said her facial expressions as she explained all of this, were odd. Odd in an alarming way.

Now I know that Sissy has a 15 day cycle but her anti-psychotic has really dampened it so I'd lost track. After the last two weeks of nonsense, i assumed it was one of her cycles but this delusional nonsense? Not so much.

Reading through old posts, I turned up the one in March in which Sissy crashed after a particularly harrowing rage cycle. In her crash, she had some delusional stuff.


The pattern emerges.

See, this is all good.

Let me restate. Because it's not "good" that my child's mental health needs are so severe that at this point I tack on "RADs" as an afterthought which ellicits the complimentary moans and groans of empathy from my listeners. (I like the empathy, BTW, so keep the complimentary moans and groan coming! lol) However, it's good that I blog it, it's good that I keep a record, it's good that I'm tuned in, it's good that i'm advocating, it's good that I can tell her pdoc what is happening so we can work together toward helping Sissy achieve whatever balance of "normal" she'll be capable of as an adult.

When I want to bury my head in the sand, drink my sorrows away and move to New Zealand without saying another word, it's good to have a baseline and an anchor to my life. Seeing an emerging pattern in Sissy's issues, as odd and disconcerting as they may seem, is one such anchor I'm glad to weigh so we can move forward in her treatment.

And this just in (AB's doc called mid post) We're diagnosing him with a "mood disorder" (DUH - this will eventually morph into a bipolar Dx) and adding another anti depressant to his mix with the knowledge that it will probably not work (and cross our fingers, not cause the seizure activity it did for Sissy last spring adn summer) and he'll end up on the anti-psychotic sometime within the next six months.

I've said it a million times, by the time Sissy and AB make it to adulthood, they're going to be on the same meds and save me the trouble of having two different med bins! Hey, you've got to find the silver lining to every cloud, right?


GB's Mom said...

As they are biological siblings, this is not much of a surprise.BTW, if you go to New Zealand, you have to take me too :)

Integrity Singer said...

Ah, you are right GB's Mom, but they are HALF siblings. I was hoping for maybe SOME variation on a theme! lol

Mama Drama Times Two said...

New Zealand? Hmm. I hadn't thought of New Zealand.... laughing at how you manage to turn a challenge into a blessing and a little tarnish into a silver lining!

PS (Moan & Groan)

Meg said...

Please don't take this the wrong way but you might want to consider a veto on any anti-depressant or stimulant medication. If your children really have mood disorders/bipolar you are setting them up for big time mania/psychosis with those meds and that mania and psychosis can be very hard to get out of. We've been down that road a few times and it's very painful to watch the child go through and hard to manage as a parent. Anti-psychotics don't always automatically fix psychosis and that can be the really scary part.

marythemom said...

My kids are bio half-siblings with identical diagnoses (RAD, C-PTSD, bipolar, ADD/ADHD, cerbral dysrhythmia...), but they do not take the same meds. In fact considering the many meds they take, it's pretty weird that they only have one in common (Trileptal). There's reasons the ones they take don't work for the other, but it is still incredibly frustrating.

Oh well, if I ever decide to become a pharmacist, or a neuropsychologist, I'm totally knowledged up!

Mary in TX

PS Moans and groans from me too!