Today one of the IFI team therapists made the suggestion that perhaps Sissy is adamantly denying the voices she spoke to because they told her NOT to speak of them.
She's been a trip today, let me tell you. At what point does the RADs end and psychosis begin? This line is getting blurrier by the minute. Pdoc appt on Monday.
I'm exhausted so I really don't have anything more for you all today. Mostly, when I close my eyes and try to rest, I have visions and worries of my child losing her mind altogether and us not ever being able to recover it. Does she need hospitalization? is she on too many meds? Not enough meds? Am I making a bigger deal of it than necessary? Am I downplaying it too much and need to be more proactive? What if she's violent again - rage is one thing, violence is a horse of another color.
I'm so tired of being in crisis with Sissy. I'm just so tired of it. I know she's not doing all of it on purpose, that it's not all just her RADs but it doesn't make it any easier. I saw a mom with an impaired child the other day - her daughter had limited motor skills and was clearly MR but her child had a smile on her face, was compliant and loving.
Having a child on the edge of reality, a mind that is cognitively aware but slipping, the ability to manipulate, lie and self-preserve in a very perverse narcissism even though she can feed herself and toilet (although she needs supervision because she chooses not to use good hygiene and healthy habits) just might be the harder pill to swallow.
I'm cooked. Stick a fork in me, I'm done.