On a good day, parenting will test the integrity of your character. On a bad day, parenting will test your will to live. Parenting children with trauma histories will cause you to test the integrity of everything and everyone you thought you knew, for the rest of your life.
~J. Skrobisz

Sunday, March 30, 2014

This Path, This New Moon

Somehow I let three weeks sneak by me without posting. I have been busy.

My house is now on the market, for sale by owner. There has been lots of interest but no offers yet. I have done an insane amount of work to the home to make it more attractive to a potential buyer including removing 20 year old azaleas and putting in a new flower bed in their place.

I've updated my resume and applied for jobs.  I've had two interviews already.  Neither job is going to be the right fit but I have gleaned a lot of information from both interviews and now have a better idea of how to set my course for future submissions.  (that's my job tomorrow morning after coffee time)

We got a new black lab puppy and I'm so glad.  I agree, getting a new puppy when I'm planning a move is probably not the smartest choice but as little Hydrocarbon was quite literally, placed in my hands, i considered her as a gift and what was meant to be for our family.  We have missed Gracie very much the past three months.

I am enjoying fourth saturday fire night.  I have been doing this for quite a while but gave it an official name in January.  Everyone is welcome but sometimes it is just a handful of folks.  It doesn't matter.  Fire time is for whomever needs it.  I am having so much fun with the fire poi, getting more and more proficient.  Last night I wanted to practice to a few songs that felt very "poi-ish" to me.  Dulaman by Emerald Women is one such song.  I was able to do a jig while spinning the poi to the song when it began to rain.  The sun was still shining so there was a double rainbow in the sky that appeared while I danced and spun the poi.  Very moving and quite the new moon tribute if you ask me.  I'll take the promise, whatever it might be, thank you very much.

I returned to singing and playing the piano after many, many years.  I had sworn I would never do it again but two of my students hoodwinked me into playing for them for the talent show and one thing led to another so I ended up doing the intermission music as well.  It was nice to reincorporate that to my life.  I didn't realize how much I had missed it.

I am swiftly and happily reforging friendships with the wonderful friends and family I saw on my trip.  Everyone is so positive and is bolstering my faith and confidence in my plans to shake it up quite a bit and get the kids and I on a much better path in life.

Today I took my friend's German Exchange student on our annual spring beach trip.  We do this the last weekend in March or the first weekend in April every year.  I like to be there when the wind is still blustering, the water is chilly and the crowds are small.  We met up with the kids' birthmother, her husband and their two younger sisters.  It was another wonderful afternoon.  I'm a bit sunburned but I'll survive.

In all of this doing and rushing about, my mind is still tracing over old haunts, hurts and hopes.  As I walked the beach today I made certain to quiet my mind and focus on rest so I could be ready for the next two weeks of insanity.  I am hoping beyond hope to have a job offer and a buyer by the end of the month of April.  Sooner would be nice.  I've decided to buy some boxes and in faith, begin packing the nonessential things.  It will also declutter the house and make it more visually appealing when I show it to buyers.

There is much I want in this life.  This journey is so hard, long, and lonely.  It was never meant for just one soul to carry it all but I do.  I know that taking this path and being successful will be the confidence boost I need.  My friend told me Joshua 1:9 is the verse for me.  I'm claiming it even though I have to be honest and say religion and me are still at odds.

So scared.  So worried.  So lonely.  

I cry every day.  Truth.  I'm taking evening primrose and holy basil to help with my mood.  It is working better than the prozac I took for years.  Through my tears, I will keep marching.  I have already made plans in July to attend another friend's special event and even SING.  I knew if I made the plans it would bolster my hope and resolve that desires will come to pass.  Sometimes you just need to step out on that ledge and see what you see.  Right now, I feel like I'm standing on a glass bridge over the grand canyon.

skywalk over grandcanyon - stock google image

There is light, love and hope all around me.  I am not forgotten.  These things I know but whether I like it or not, this path is mine to walk alone.

Petty Dodds - my avy for the RPG I play. artwork is original

Shameless plugs - and PLEASE forward them!
house for sale
house for sale

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