On a good day, parenting will test the integrity of your character. On a bad day, parenting will test your will to live. Parenting children with trauma histories will cause you to test the integrity of everything and everyone you thought you knew, for the rest of your life.
~J. Skrobisz

Sunday, March 2, 2014

Permissions

Last January I bought a purple composition notebook (my favorite color) so I could write in it all of the miscellaneous things that I needed to know and do to make a plan for relocating.  I have it with me now, on my journey through Pennsylvania and I thought I would share with you my
 Permission Slip for Self
1.  I give myself permission to make life choices that will make me happy
2.  i give myself permission to think of my needs first
3.  i give myself permission to disappoint others when they don't like my decisions.
4.  I give myself permission to love myself
5.  I give myself permission to receive love from others.
6.  I give myself permission to ask for help\
7.  I give myself permission to accept help from others when they expect no return
8.  i give myself permission to eliminate chaos in my life by all legal means necessary
9.  i give myself permission to accept that happiness is not earned, it is accepted and taken
10.  I give myself permission to confess that I am an amazing woman
11.  I give myself permission to confess that I am an amazing mother
12.  i give myself permission to respect myself
13.  i give myself permission to not validate my choices
14.  I give myself permission to be in charge of my future and my present
15.  I give myself permission to enjoy the present without trying to write the end of my story
16.  I give myself permission to grieve my past provided I do not hurt myself or others and that I do not hinder my present
17.  I give myself permission to feel the loss of the last 39 years for as long as necessary
18.  I give myself permission to accept that because of my rocky foundation in life, I will always have weaknesses, loss and anxiety
19.  I give myself permission to overcome my weaknesses, losses and anxieties
20.  i give myself permission to share my life story unabashedly 

Yes I can, I am not alone, I am worth the effort, I am enough.

I still struggle with most of these. It is a daily effort to remind myself that all of these are fair, valid and permissible.  I still have to accept it.  Daily.  DAILY!  

How about you?  What permissions do YOU need to give yourself on your own journey?  

Talking to many friends both at home and here on my trip.  So much wisdom and insight and love and acceptance.  I am a blessed woman and I am learning that I am a blessing and a light for many in like kind.  As Cinch said, I'm awesome.  I can make friends every where I go.  

But where, exactly, do I go?  These are the new  permissions I need for today and my future:
21.  I give myself permission to make this journey in steps, to accept that there may not be one final resting place but rather some small jumps and hops toward my future.  
22.  I give permission to accept that I can not control others: not their choices, actions or words.
23.  I give myself permission to find the people whose spirits are like mine; to want to be near them and live my life with them
24.  I give myself permission to hope and dream and pray and wish.
25.  I give myself permission to make mistakes because they aren't intentional but rather causative as a result of being brave.
26.  I give myself permission to fail.
27.  I give myself permission to get up, dust of my butt and try again.
28.  I give myself permission keep knocking on doors until I know what is the right path for me and the children
29.  I give myself permission to consider ALL options no matter how odd.
30.  I give myself permission to trust myself.

SOURCE
poetry is original work of blog author.  All copyright laws apply.

The fire quietly breathes.
Flames flicker light on her face
Like dancing shadows of remembrances.
Staring into the heat of the pit
She ponders the mysteries.

Heat, source and air are all that is needed
To make the dragon come to life.
Three simple elements unite
To form the burning beast.
Oh how it burns!

One by one the elements wane
Until only air remains,
Whispering gently to the glowing coals.
Only Source is needed
To rekindle the sleeping dragon.

Be the Source.
Watch the fire grow once more.



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