On a good day, parenting will test the integrity of your character. On a bad day, parenting will test your will to live. Parenting children with trauma histories will cause you to test the integrity of everything and everyone you thought you knew, for the rest of your life.
~J. Skrobisz

Friday, March 9, 2012

Onward, Upward

It's been an interesting week post-Orlando. Last week at this time I was getting on I95 South, anxiously anticipating the bridge that delivered me into the great state of Florida. Can I just say that Jacksonville is one busy place? Yowza. Glad I'm not living there!

We've been hooping. WG is a whiz, even with the big hoop. It's hysterical to watch her wiggle her tiny little body and make that giant hoop go around and around. Sissy likes the smaller hoop with the foam cushions. I prefer the big hoop with the rice because the metronome rhythm of the rice moving in the hoop is very soothing. Of course, I have bruises to show for my work but at least my abs no longer burn and ache!

My henna tattoo is still as beautiful as ever.  It's a gorgeous visual reminder of the love we shared.  Sissy was afraid it was permanent and that I wouldn't like it there forever and would have to endure the pain of laser surgery for removal. When I explained that it was only temporary she settled down some but I think the idea was still unsettling for her.  I enjoyed her concern for my welfare.  HUGE milestone, that is

After a very therapeutic hooping half hour with Sissy on Tuesday in which she openly discussed some very heart-heavy thoughts and emotions, she came unglued and by the time we were home, she was in a full body restraint all over toothpaste. Ah, well. Such is the price of vulnerable openness. I still have to give her props though because after the restraint she was able to tell me what was really bothering her - a boy is bullying her at school. I didn't even have to call the school to report it. By Wednesday afternoon the vice-principal was talking to me about it because SISSY told her that morning. WOW. Wow, wow.

My sis has been delightful to have around. I've really enjoyed our time. She snuggles with me at night and has gotten me hooked on an RPG game. After the kids have gone to bed we've sat on the sofa or at the table playing on our laptops. So fun!

AB is excited to finally have his dental spacer removed. He had a tooth pulled when he was six and to prevent his teeth from realigning so the adult molar couldn't push through, the dentist put in a spacer to retain the opening at the gum line. On Wednesday it came free with little effort as his adult molar is about to erupt. I'll tell ya, I had no idea getting teeth was such an ordeal. I truly do not remember this process, I only know that I now have adult teeth. AB and Sissy still have seven teeth each to lose! And Sissy's panoramic x-ray shows three wisdom teeth moving up. Geez.

The state writing test for fifth grade was on Wednesday and both AB and Sissy performed well according to the school staff. Here's to IEPs in which they both get small group testing outside of the classroom. Last year Sissy failed miserably and this year AB's teachers were concerned that he wouldn't pass either. Here's to success!

This week is reauthorization for Sissy's IFI therapy. She'll be stepping down to Core/CSI. It means a new team but probably folks we already know. Sissy's been Core/CSI before with this agency so I doubt we'll have to do more than reacquaint ourselves. I still can't believe she's doing so well. I mean, sure, she had a full body restraint on Tuesday but it wasn't a four hour long rage fest that required hospitalization. It was fifteen minutes of her hollering and me calmly talking to her while I brushed her teeth. Such a difference. SO amazing.

As for me, I'm amazed every day. I'm astounded at my confidence and my renewed hope. I'm quiet and refreshed, rejuvenated and thinking of ways to improve myself, my quality of life and achieve some long-forgotten dreams on my bucket list. Though it be a rainy day, to me, it still appears metaphorically sunny and filled with hope. Did Orlando do that for me? Yes and no. I think I was already wandering to this place of peace in myself. The beautiful women that went to Orlando just reaffirmed it in my soul - like setting concrete.

I also surrendered anger for the lenten season. It has helped immensely to breathe through that emotion every time it emerges.

For the first time in all my 37 years, I feel like my life is mine. It's an incredible feeling. I wish I could hand this gift to everyone that aches and yearns but as it seems to be, it is a journey for the willing. It requires perseverance, compassion, patience, determination, strength, courage, love, wisdom, an open mind and hope beyond measure.

I'm astonished to learn that I have those tools. I'm equally astonished that others ask to borrow them from me. Never in a million years would I have envisioned myself as someone others regarded highly. I'm humbled and overwhelmed.

Onward, Upward. Be true to yourself this day and always.


Kelley said...

I love you girl and you are certainly amazingly wonderful!

Ilsa said...

It is so wonderful to see how you are blossoming in these past few months. And to hear how well Sissy is doing also brings a smile to my face. I'm so glad that things are looking up!

Barb G said...

I *heart* you. You deserve this place, dear friend. (((hug)))

Bee Burg said...

So happy to read this! :-) I'm glad you see a glimpse of what a wonderful caring and driven woman you are! This is only the beginning of the rest of your life. Hugs. <3

Ranger said...

You are one amazing lady, I'm inspired by your giving up anger for Lent and by your hooping. So lovely too to read about Sissy!

The tattoo is beautiful, I'm admiring the work on a number of Orlando mama blogs, but your nail polish colour? Also very cool.

kisekileia said...

I'm very glad to hear that you and your family are doing so well!