On a good day, parenting will test the integrity of your character. On a bad day, parenting will test your will to live. Parenting children with trauma histories will cause you to test the integrity of everything and everyone you thought you knew, for the rest of your life.
~J. Skrobisz

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Non-dangerous, Less-angry living suits me just fine

Restless night for me, which usually results in an upset stomach in the morning when I first wake up. I try brushing my teeth to get "freshen" up but it doesn't do much for me. Sometimes tums work. Other times some ginger ale does the trick. When absolutely necessary, I take a phergen. I really wanted to take one today but I had too much going on to spend the day in the bed in a drug-induced slumber.

Sissy's first day was a rousing success. I think it's the first time in her whole life that she left a school building with a huge grin on her face and only happy tales to tell. It was amazing, albeit surreal. Can she really be this happy? Pinch me, I must be dreaming. Because she gets out an hour earlier than the other two, we ran a quick errand together and she finished her homework while we sat in the car rider lane. "I did all my homework! That quick!!!" She was very excited. "When I get home can I just play?"

Who is this kid and what the heck have you done with the real Sissy?

AB had OT at the house then it was off to dance for WG. I took AB and Sissy to McDonald's so they could eat and he and I could do his homework together. The children's play area had on D!sney channel programming so once Sissy ate, she went into the play room and rocked and paced and fiddled with her happy meal toy while watching the show, a half smile resting warmly on her face. Unbelievable.

Of course, some of the other customers in the store gave the three of us some odd glances. Whatever, they don't know what life is like for us. They didn't know that despite tutoring AB through 2x8 while Sissy, a 12 year old, rocked while watching a TV in a child's playroom, we were actually having a fantastic evening. If they bothered to ask instead of stare, I might have been willing to tell them. Or not. You never know when I might wave an unfriendly hand gesture at someone (which is kind of fun btw, if you've never done it before. It's oddly satisfying.)

We'll see what this afternoon brings. Sissy's therapist is picking her up and then there's a CFTM at 4 at the house so it will be a full afternoon. I was thinking to myself this morning that although I was glad to have Sissy at home again and see that she's actually doing OK right now, I'm missing the days my time and life was considerably less occupied with the overwhelming responsibilities of therapeutically parenting her. No kidding, this girl comes with an entourage! She said, "Do I HAVE to attend the meeting?"

"Well, yeah. It's for YOU. about YOU. All of these grown ups from different agencies meeting together to discuss what's best for YOU. So, yes. You have to be there." She slumped her shoulders and grimaced. "Besides, they like looking at your beautiful face and hearing the things you have to say." (I didn't tell her it was because she says such insane stuff that it always makes us crack up.)

"Well, it's just 'cuz the meetings are boring."

"You could make them more interesting by talking more. It's for you, we want to hear about YOU."

"I don't want to talk."

"OK, suit yourself. But you DO have to be there."


See, it's still normal around here. Just moderately less rage-filled and dangerous. I like the non-dangerous, less-angry life. It suits me.


Ranger said...

wow, my eyes stung at the description of your afternoon in McD's - it's so good to hear you got that magic moment!!

Johanna said...

After all the trauma of the year, you guys deserve a more dialed down family life. I hope it gives you all a chance to make some positive memories and associations. I have really appreciated your blog and your honesty.