On a good day, parenting will test the integrity of your character. On a bad day, parenting will test your will to live. Parenting children with trauma histories will cause you to test the integrity of everything and everyone you thought you knew, for the rest of your life.
~J. Skrobisz

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

to RAD moms

Can someone help me understand why other people are teary-eyed and emotional about Sissy's placement in an RTC? Because I don't get it. It's a GOOD thing she's getting help and the rest of us are getting a break. So I am having trouble understanding these emotions from other people that learn about Sissy's placement.

It almost feels like I'm a bad, heartless mom because I'm NOT crying.

Actually, I'm trying hard not to be giddy! I had no idea just how stressful things had gotten with her in the house. Being in it everyday and saying it was stressful and challenging made it hard for us to quantify the severity of her issues and the impact it had on our family. Not being in that stress everyday? I am flabbergasted that it took us so long to cry, "uncle!"

So you can imagine why it is odd and even disconcerting to see other people being so distressed and emotional about her placement because the four of us that lived with her challenges every day are rejoicing!


Essie the Accidental Mommy said...

Hmmm, I would guess it is for exactly the reasons you said. That they had no idea how bad things were, bad enough that she needs to be away from the family to be helped. I imagine most folks won't understand ever, that a child being away from her family would help make her more stable.
Just guessing though.

Christine said...

Yup. That's it. They will miss seeing her for those fleeting moments they got to enjoy her ... not the 24/7 of constantly needed intervention.

Even if you tell them, they just can't get it.

waldenbunch said...

You can't imagine the constant stress and frustration of living with a child like this. Just like I can't imagine having a terminal illness. But those of us who have been through it know what it's like. And when our oldest adopted daughter went to the RTC I felt relief beyond measure. I knew it was best and did not know what a prison I had been living in. It is what it is. Our lives have been forever changed and this instance didn't turn out happily ever after. But that's life and you deal with it. Just know there are others who have been there and are still there.

Anonymous said...

I think it must be that in general people have negative conotations about institutions such as this. People think that she may be doomed to instituitional living for the rest of her life, because once someone's 'in the system' it's hard to remove them and they get stigmatized. People have heard plenty of horror stories of inpatient abuse in institutions. I think people
must feel like this is the last resort, or more specifically, the end of the line, for Sissy. And I'm sure some people judge you for not being able to handle her without taking this step.

Couple that with ignorance about RADs and Sissy's complicated emotional/mental disorder cluster, and folks not knowing Just.How.Hard. it has been on you and the Family....

well, people are sad about it. Sad that it had to come to this, basically.

If they Really.Knew....they would be happy for you and the Fam.

I, for one, know that this is the right thing for you to do and totally trust your judgement on this. Hopefully getting MyDarlingNiece this help early on in life will help her in the long run have quality of life as an adult.

"Hate on me Hater"....Jill Scott ....

Don't listen to it. You know you are doing the right thing for all parties involved.

xo, your big sis, g