Tomorrow I drive the 6 hour round trip again. I'm feeling older just thinking about it. I'm really hoping I can convince the therapist to do something other than that ridiculous talk therapy. I'm bringing my cache or RAD books to go over with her if time allows. And hopefully we'll get an approval from insurance to do telecommunications because I have to go back again on Saturday for our visit time. Oye. I just aged another 3 years thinking about THAT!
Meanwhile, I'm daily amazed by how peaceful our home is without her here which makes me sad and angry at the same time. Sad because I don't know how to make it a peaceful home when she's here and angry because I didn't know how much she was affecting our peace and I wish I had realized it sooner and done something about it sooner. I'm also feeling guilty (but only a little - thank you Katherine Leslie for helping me give myself the permission to admit that it's hard to love Sissy) because I WANT to love her and I WANT to be successful as her mom but right now, everytime I think of Sissy's eventual reintegration to our family, I wince like I'm about to get a DTAP inocculation. That's not good.
Took Wonder Girl to see Santa at the mall. I've been a mom for 9 years as of this past weekend but this is the first time I took a child to the mall Santa. Sissy and Aspie Boy made such an event an impossibility. It was so nice to do a standard "mom" thing with a child. I hate that Sissy and Aspie Boy's needs are so challenging that Wonder Girl and I can't do "normal" family things.
Clearly, there's still the need for time and healing of these wounds.
So tomorrow I drive 334 miles to talk to Sissy for 45 minutes and hopefully she took the bait and will have practiced good personal hygeine as I requested. Otherwise, snuggletime will be preempted by practice-good-hygeine time. It's her choice, I spelled out the rules for her last night on the phone. I'm REALLY hoping she's prepared to surprise me because I'll be prepared to surprise her back but I'm preparing for her I-don't-give-a-flip-what-mom-wants response to my ultimatum. I'll keep you posted.
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