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For several months now, Wonder Girl has fallen asleep in our room, on our bed. Then we carry her to her room at night before we go to sleep. There were three reasons for this.
#1 - Sissy screamed every.single.night at bedtime and Wonder Girl didn't need to deal with that.
#2 - we don't have an extra room in our house so the girls couldn't have their own room*
#3 - Sissy was hurting Wonder Girl when we weren't looking, putting Wonder Girl into her own bed after Sissy went to sleep and waking them both up in the morning was our best option.
But now that Sissy is at the RTC and hopefully learning new bedtime habits and respect for others, we see a need to retrain Wonder Girl. This evening she and I discussed it after the aggravated Dad begged that we just let Wonder Girl sleep in our room anyway.
"Wonder Girl, do you remember the reasons you started sleeping in our room?"
"Yes. Sissy screams EVERY NIGHT! UGH!!!"
"Yes, that's true. But now that Sissy is getting help, when she comes home, she will probably be better about bedtime. Do you know what that means for you?"
"Yes. I won't have to hear her anymore!"
"Yes, but it also means you have to learn to sleep in your room too."
"What about a compromise? Every other night you can sleep on my bed, OK? And if that goes well, then we can work towards you sleeping in your room for two nights and then one night in my room? How does that sound?"
"It's a pattern, Mom!"
"So we have a deal?"
I can't count how many times I'd approach problem solving with Sissy the same way and how many times the outcome was Sissy screaming at the top of her lungs for an hour or more. It was strange for me to have a normal dialogue with Wonder Girl, reach an agreement to a problem we had and for her to be happy about it. I could feel my hackles rising and my nerves preparing for the anticipated screaming even though I knew in my mind that Wonder Girl doesn't have Sissy's issues.
Boy, it's going to be hard for me to retrain myself too!
*We only learned a few weeks ago in RAD therapy that RAD kids need their own rooms with an alarm on a door. This is one of the many reasons we weren't prepared for RAD therapy. The children only have privacy curtains for doors because the rages always included slammed, locked doors that got barricaded followed by an hour or more of unscrewing door knobs and pushing the door open. Thus the doors were removed. When Wonder Girl told us Sissy was hurting her, we put a baby monitor in the girls' room so we would always know what Sissy was doing while in there. Not perfect, but the best we had.