On a good day, parenting will test the integrity of your character. On a bad day, parenting will test your will to live. Parenting children with trauma histories will cause you to test the integrity of everything and everyone you thought you knew, for the rest of your life.
~J. Skrobisz

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Aspie Boy lets us know how it is

Yesterday Aspie Boy woke up and skipped into the kitchen, announced,"I'm glad Sissy is gone." and skipped away before I could think of a response. Ok I thought, I'm glad he's letting us know how he feels but how do I help him?

This morning he was singing at breakfast a song he made up that had five words in it, "I'm glad Sissy is gone!" over and over to his not-so-melodious tune.

hmm I thought again. We might need to really explore this

Of course, it doesn't help him much that school is out, messing up his rigid routine so he's been stimming and pacing alot. The school starts out every day with compressions and I'm doing my best to get him similar sensory input but it's always second rate. Then we really messed with his world by starting out the holiday week with Sissy being removed from the home. Now admittedly, he is glad to have her gone but routine is like gold to Aspie kids, even if routine includes damaging behaviors from older RAD siblings.

The Dad and I discussed having a visit with Sissy on Saturday since we won't see her tomorrow. I hedged, both Aspie Boy and Wonder Girl have made it clear to us in their own way that they are relieved she's gone. A visit this soon into her placement might really upset things. Aspie Boy is known to make us "pay" for stuff for two days or more afterward. I told the Dad my concerns and he agreed to consider it further before we all piled into the van on Saturday. We've learned the hard way that you can't play the game unless you're fully suited up and ready to rock and roll. No way was I getting into a van and visiting Sissy without first feeling out the other two siblings for the potential reaction.

Wonder Girl was over hearing my conversation so that when I hung up the phone, she was in my face, "You put me on the list?! For WHAT?" this from a 5 year old, mind you "I don't want any therapy!"

"Ok, ok, just hold on a second there missy," I laughed. "I put you on the list to visit Sissy. Would you like that?"

Wonder Girl glowered and her hands went on her hips. She was really thinking hard. So I gave her an out. "You can say, 'no'"

"No, then."

"Ok. That's fine."

"But wait. Maybe I do. What's it like there? You're not going to leave ME alone, are you?"

"No, silly! We just want to see her, spend time with her, maybe you can see where she eats."

"Oh. OK. I guess. But i'm not getting any therapy!"

I tickled her a little and pretended to do holding therapy with her and she rolled her eyes and shouted out, "MO-OOOMMMMM! Geez, I'm fine, I'm FINE! Ok?" but she was laughing the whole time.

So I asked Aspie Boy if he wanted to visit Sissy next. He responded with a stoic, "yes." Then he disappeared into his room, I presumed to don his shoes since we were planning an errand run.

10 minutes later, Aspie Boy still hadn't emerged from his room, shoes still not on and Wonder Girl went in to see what he was doing. That's when all hell broke loose.

45 minutes later, Aspie Boy was just about out of steam. He was mad, let me tell you! I got socked in the face, my hair pulled, kicked, spat at, you name it. He was furious! I kept asking what it was that made him mad. "You know!" was all he could muster.

But it's not lost on me that at the mere mention of visiting Sissy, Aspie Boy went straight into a fit. Hmmm. I don't think Wonder Girl and Aspie Boy are ready to see her and if we choose to bring them anyway, then we had best be prepared for the murderous onslaught of their raging aftermath.

It just gets harder every day, doesn't it? And I thought bringing Sissy to the RTC would help. lol Jokes on me, I guess!

Thankfully, Aspie Boy has hippotherapy today. Some routine and therapy should help me...er, I mean, HIM. :)

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

1 comment:

Corey said...

My kids never ran around and sang the "I'm glad he's gone" song.. but I know they THOUGHT it.. they actually needed more help getting to the point where they could talk about THAT.. the fact that it was hard to live with him, that the screaming and the fits and the violence and the walking on eggshells were just exhausting.