On a good day, parenting will test the integrity of your character. On a bad day, parenting will test your will to live. Parenting children with trauma histories will cause you to test the integrity of everything and everyone you thought you knew, for the rest of your life.
~J. Skrobisz

Monday, May 14, 2012

Little Things

Yesterday was such a lovely Mother's Day.  Sissy greeted me with her tiara on the pillow I made her for her birthday.  "Happy Mother's Day Mom.  You can wear my crown today."

Of course, it was promptly put upon my head and I did indeed wear it all day, even while in the grocery store. 

Sissy and WG asked to wish their birthmother a happy mother's day but at the last minute, WG chickened out.  Over speaker phone, Sissy said, "Happy mother's day Mom" to her birth mom.  So very, very cool.

A nice rainy day spent coloring mandalas with their Aunt who was celebrating her first mother's day as a new step-mom.  Noni played cards on her laptop, Sissy and AB watched TV (and napped a little) while WG and her new cousin ran themselves ragged.  Papa snoozed it out until supper.  I couldn't have asked for a better day.

Recently, my biggest personal struggle has been learning to know what I need and want, putting myself before others for the first time in my life.  It feel so backward and incongruent with the title of Mother to think and do for oneself.  Inherently I know that if I'm happy, then my home is happy but what makes me happy?  Every time I asked myself that question, I kept coming up with one thing - I wanted something little and snuggly to hold.

Our dog Hope will be gone two years this September.  I've missed her very much but have always had it in my head to get another animal.  Knowing I needed something little to hold and wanting to add a new family member, I'd been searching craigslist, the local shelters and foster homes for about eight months.  I knew that it would be obvious when I found the right match.

Tiny little Roscoe, a brindle teacup chihuahua now sits on the recliner armrest next to me, curled up in the tiniest ball of fur, gently snoring.  He's exactly what I needed and what I wanted.  Indeed he has filled up a gap for all us: the kids, Gracie who grieved Hope the most and myself. 

I can't remember the last time my heart felt so full and warm.  I could get used to this!  It's nice to know that little things really DO matter.


kisekileia said...

Oh, I love the idea of having something little and snuggly to hold. I'd love that myself, especially if the something was a bunny. But I have no income right now, and my boyfriend has mixed feelings about the idea of a pet, so it's waiting at least until I have a job.

Jenn said...

What a wonderful day! Congratulations on the great Mother's Day and on the adoption of Roscoe. I wish you many long happy years with him!

Anonymous said...

At last I find the new blog, I was stuck on the old one and not receiving any updates - feels like an age since we chatted about everything from parenting to music!

Now I'm subscribed and so now I can read, and what is the first post I read? Well something about what I'm writing a post about at the mo - spooky huh? Well, no, not really! :-)