On a good day, parenting will test the integrity of your character. On a bad day, parenting will test your will to live. Parenting children with trauma histories will cause you to test the integrity of everything and everyone you thought you knew, for the rest of your life.
~J. Skrobisz

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

What AB says

On the dock at Noni's house

He comes skipping into my room, sidles up to the side of my bed and then bumps it with his body. *bump bump bump*







I groan and peek out from my covers. He kisses my eyelids and hugs my head. "Momisittimetogetupmom?areyouawake?" *bump*

"I am now."


*more groaning from me as I pull the covers over my head*


"OK!" i holler exasperted.

"YAY!" and he skips away.

really. he skips Kind of a skip/hop/bunny binky sort of thing. Classic Asperger stuff. I love it. I drives me nuts but I love it. And yes, he really speaks the way I've typed it, usually without taking a breath and mumbling. Oh, and he has a speech impairment. So it's LOADS of fun understanding him. *rolls eyes* Then there's the stimming days and the giddy days and the depressed days and the anxious days and my favorite, the i'm-so-freakin-excited-i-can't-stand-it-but-i'm-going-to-be-as-stalwart-and-still-as-i-possibly-can-and-answer-you-in-one-word-answers-so-i-don't-have-to-stop-thinking-about-how-excited-i-am days. LOVE those days.

Like Sunday, his 10th birthday. He asked to go to Golden Coral to eat. Our Golden Coral has a chocolate fondue fountain. He likes this fountain of chocolate. So the entire day was "when are we going?" Which we heard about 1000 times before we even opened eyes. So The Dad and I put a actual time on it. Which may have made it worse. Because then we got "wait.whattimeagainarewegoing?" followed by a whispered but giddy, "ilikethechocolatefountain." Eventually our response was a hollered-in-unison, "THREE O'CLOCK!!!!"

Then we got in the van and left to go. And he was a cool cucumber. Not even a flinch of a facial muscle. Nothing. He absolutely did NOT betray how excited he was in any way almost to the point of us thinking he was mad or upset about something. But you can't say, "AB? Are you ok?" because that makes him mad. Of course he's ok. He's thinking chocolate fountain chocolate fountain chocolate fountain and if you interrupt his meditation it puts him off kilter.

Finally, FINALLY! He and The Dad got up to go to the chocolate fountain. I'm not kidding, my son literally skipped as high as his father is tall all the way back to our table. Then it was not stop chatter chatter chatter with chocolate and what-nots oozing all over his mouth, teeth, face, hands ... he's a mess when he eats chocolate, did I mention that? seriously a mess when he eats chocolate. I don't think he actually EATS it. I think he attempts to absorb it into his cellular DNA by any and every means possible.

And this is every day life with AB. Right now his AFOs are waiting to be repaired (again) so he's toe walking and without the proprioceptive input he gets from correct heel-toe walking, he stims. ALOT. Can we say "weighted vest, vibrator chair and brushing" anyone?

Christmas photo montage

BTW - these are all i'm-so-freakin-happy-i-can't-stand-it faces

Because AB is an aspie, he is usually going to be stone-cold truthful. As he says, "lying is illegal. It's against the law and you'll be arrested and put in jail." So with the occasional fourth grade boy tall-tale escaping his lips, 99% of the time we can assume what AB says is the God's honest truth. For instance, this past fall, Sissy told lie after lie about a school note she insisted she never got from her teacher, a note her teacher said to me, "didn't you get my note? Right, I should have sent that home with WG. I forgot, sorry." Observant AB saw Sissy hide it in her binder while we were in the van while she shouted at the back of my head that she WAS telling the truth, honest she was! And I heard AB mumble, "waitwhatwasthatwasn'tthatit?youjusthidit.Iknowthat'sthenote,thenursealwaysusesthatpaperandIseetheteacher'swriting.MOM!SHEHASTHENOTE!"

To which Sissy replied, "WHAT?! How do YOU know?" And I was rolling my eyes. Gig was up and I owed it to AB, again. If it hadn't been for him, it might have been one of the times Sissy snowed me with her lies.

Then there's the other things AB says to Sissy out of frustration:
Sissy. Lying is a sin. You're hurting God when you lie. If you hurt God you'll go to hell.

Sissy. You could have cool stuff if you didn't steal and lie.

Sissy. Just stop screaming and mom and dad will give you back your stuff again.

Sissy. If you would just act right you wouldn't have to go to the hospital.

Sissy. Stop lying. Just tell the truth already.

Or the conversations AB has with other people about Sissy:
I just wish she'd stop screaming. It gives me migraines. She always screams anyway even when I tell her I have a migraine and that's mean. i don't do that to her when she has her migraines.

She lies. She always lies.

She hurts our dog. That's mean because the dog didn't do anything.

She makes mom cry.

Everyone is always yelling because of Sissy always yelling. I hate it.

Or the things he says in sheer frustration and desperation
That makes me want to cry for him

UGH! She always lies! She's just a big fat liar!

AB holding his finished project

He loves her. It's a pure love. But he is exhausted and exasperated. Truly, if it came down to Sissy against her parents with a CPS report, AB would be the one that vindicates us.

My voice may never be heard about how challenging it is to live with Sissy, but I hope that one day someone will finally listen to AB. I couldn't say it any better than him, even if I have to translate his garbled speech.


FosterAbba said...

Leave it to an Aspie to tell the pure, unadulterated truth.

GB's Mom said...

I hear you! Hope is driving GB absolutely bonkers :(
Happy Birthday, AB!

Cyndi said...

He is a gorgeous young man, you are blessed to have him in your family. I have kids like that to and they give me a chance to see that I really am a good parent to kids without attachment issues so I must be doing something right with the one who has those issues, too.

Tara - SanitySrchr said...

He's a blessing!