On a good day, parenting will test the integrity of your character. On a bad day, parenting will test your will to live. Parenting children with trauma histories will cause you to test the integrity of everything and everyone you thought you knew, for the rest of your life.
~J. Skrobisz

Sunday, January 26, 2014

New Moon

Wednesday is a new moon.  According to astrology charts, it will be the first official moon cycle for the new year.  That means the last moon phase was actually the end-of-the-year moon cycle.  Which explains a lot.

Everyone I have talked to has agreed, this past week has been really tough.  In fact, most people are nodding their heads, some weepily, that the last four weeks have been hard. Emotions, finances, transitions, relationships, jobs, all of it has brought pain and struggle.  And though I don't subscribe wholly to the stars, as in, it's not a religion for me, I do submit to the truth that there is cosmic influence and at the very least, some gravitational affect the moon has on the balance of energy here on Earth.

For SCIENCE, of course. ;)

I've been on a life odyssey of sorts for the last year.  In particular, the last six months have been a real bender for me.  My IRL friends know the story but I'll refrain from posting it here.  I have received so much passion, joy and happiness and it has changed me, for the better.  At the same time, I have grieved and mourned my losses once more but at an entirely new depth.  It is hard to grieve for something you didn't know you were missing, an element or two required to make your life happy, whole and functional, until you stumble upon such treasures and the AHA moment smacks you dead in the face.

The sad truth of my life, is that I have had so little of what I have needed.  In fact, I haven't been capable of acknowledging my needs because I didn't know what I needed or that I was allowed to have needs as opposed to being a subservient entity beholden to the wants and needs of others.  Such is the dastardly toll of abuse on the psyche.  When I was in therapy, my counselor urged me to stop and think about what I needed in the moment, in my daily life, and to secure a consistent happy, bright, functional future for me and my children.  Although I listened and acknowledged her advice, I could never wrap my head around what that process should look like.

Now I know.  At least, I have a much better sense of what I need.  It will likely morph a bit more as I continue to grow and move in this positive direction but as long as I'm moving and not stagnating, I'm still on a good path.

One thing that gives me pause, is how little people stop to reflect and contemplate for themselves.  It is as though I've opened my eyes for the first time and see, REALLY see what is around me.  The juxtaposition of beauty and pain in life which ultimately still makes it beautiful, is the most poignant vantage point. I've learned to sort through the struggles and internalize only those things which have made me better, stronger or given me positive energy and propelled me in a forward direction.  Another is that I've learned when we accept the light in others, dismissing their own dross and negative energy, we can achieve a purer perspective in relationship.  We are sentient beings, made from the same carbon that came from stars and one day we will be returned to the earth, but our spirits, from whence they come I'll leave you to make your own declaration, will remain to convene long after our mortal forms have regenerated into a new energy source.  If we embrace the energy we give each other and that resides within one another, we will achieve a higher level of understanding.  And I believe this personal achievement makes it possible for each of us to recognize, accept and then discover what our flaws and strengths are and what energy we need from one another to remain happy and whole despite the trials the cosmic energy of the universe will send our direction.

That's a head full of HRPuff'NStuff, I know.  And for some of you, you may be thinking I've gone off the deep end, started smoking something and denounced my faith in God.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  God came to give us life, and give it to us more abundantly.  It is written in scripture that He knows the plans he has for us, plans to prosper and not to fail.  So why don't we have abundant life and why do we feel like we fail?  I  believe it is because of the inherent truth I discussed, because we don't receive the positive energy from one another, from the creatures of the earth, from the living things all around us, from the rocks and the water, from the fire and the air.  It's all here, right within our grasp, and yet we ignore it, go within ourselves, shut others out because we received their negative energy and didn't let it go, or because it has gotten so dark in our hearts and our lives that we forget we bring our own light.  You can call that light, God, if that is your paradigm, just don't ignore the inherent truths in what I'm saying.

Namaste - the light in me bows to the light in you

Try that on for a while.  See how that shoe fits.  Embrace only the positive in everything and everyone.  The moon will cycle again and in 28 days from this Wednesday, you may find yourself on one more journey toward your peace, hope and happiness.  In the meantime, try out new things to capture that energy.  Burn incense or do a sage smudge.  Light candles and send out positive energy to your friends in need.  Create beautiful things in what ever fashion you create, then give it away just because. Burn a fire and let the flickering flames speak truth to you or open your heart to release the pain. Play different types of music than you are used to or CREATE music with instruments. Spend time with animals of every shape and size, just pet them and receive their warmth.  Release your fears and do something you've been afraid to try.  Do something completely out of your paradigm just because you can - i promise, it won't hurt.  Some rules were made to be broken. Give forgiveness to those that you have hurt because letting go of that negativity will set you free.  If you are owed an apology, open your hands, let it go and then shake it out.  Spend time in nature embracing the breath and life in the elements around you.  Laugh, love, sing, dance, meditate, breathe.

It is my gift to you, dear readers, that though I have loved and lost once more, I will give again and again and again.   Learn and grow with me and together we will be free ... and happy.

No comments: