Not gonna lie

I'm not going to lie. I'm nervous about Sissy coming home next Friday. Our family session yesterday only emphasized the reality that she's still not cluing into the reality of her actions and the consequences for them.

Thursday night she was given the opportunity to go off campus and drive around the community to view the Christmas lights. The hospital is in a great area of town, lots of students, doctors, professionals, and the like in addition to having many older homes that have unique style. A drive to see those light displays would have been awesome.

So Thursday morning I called the unit to talk to Sissy - wish a happy morning and that I was really rooting for her that she would get on green level behavior status and get the reward of going on the outing. She was currently on yellow.

I called that evening and she said she was still on yellow and didn't get to go. She told me she didn't know why they kept her on yellow, that they didn't tell her. All of which is bogus because mid-day the unit meets for group therapy and the residents are told their level status, why it had been changed and if it was lowered, what action plan each patient can make in the future to alter their behavior for the positive.

During family session, the unit director explained that Sissy had to be carried out of the cafeteria by a male staff member and taken back to the unit while she kicked, screamed and tantrumed. Sissy's explanation? "I was only crying a little."

The unit director redirected Sissy to the truth, which she would not acknowledge. The unit director spent a great deal of time talking about what is expected of a child in a home environment, what behaviors are acceptable and which aren't and that in order to get discharged, Sissy would have to start proving that she was ready to accept those limits. (The hospital has not yet alerted Sissy to her discharge on Friday) Then we concluded the session with Sissy agreeing that she would have a "gold star" weekend [1] to prove that she was ready to do what was expected of a child living in a home environment.

Then last night Sissy called her grandmother and said the outing was switched to a theatrical production of The Nutcracker instead of viewing Christmas Lights and that she wasn't disappointed about missing that outing because she'd seen that production while she was in a different facility two years ago. Her color? Still yellow.

O.o

This morning at the elementary school's "breakfast with Santa" event, the school counselor talked to me privately. Apparently WG had been in her office on Friday to talk through her fears and anxieties that had crept into her school day. WG confessed that she was nervous and scared about Sissy coming home.

Me too, WG. Me too.

AB's perspective? He says maybe Sissy will at least be good for Christmas Day and her Birthday because she likes them and she might try harder on those days.

Best Christmas present ever? Sissy truly knowing and accepting that what is expected of her at home is reasonable and that she has the strength and self-will to comply without self-harming, threatening or violent behaviors. I'm not holding my breath for that gift to be wrapped up under the tree on Christmas morning. One way or another, the rest of us have to survive her trauma-induced anger and dysfunction. If I hold my breath in hope, I'll die.

Well, that's enough of that for today. WG's Brownie troop is going to the nursing home to deliver lap blankets and Christmas bracelets that the girls made on Thursday. But WG is mostly excited about singing carols to them. I love taking the girls to these types of events, we are blessed to have such a giving, kind-hearted troupe. Truly, all of our girls are super super sweet. And AB? Eh. He'll tag along, pace, whine, stim and be generally miserable.

It's going to be GREAT!!!!

[1] weekend staff apparently have a reward system for the top behaving residents - an effort to get them to behave accordingly in the less structured weekend environment. A Gold Star is awarded to the residents that "accept limits" and "do what is expected without tantrums or disrespect".